August 15, 2018

By Lindy Earl

Some people are just naturally likable.  I’m not always sure why. Sometimes it’s physical—people who are tall, or people who are incredibly attractive, just attract others like a magnet. Sometimes it’s personality – they are just friendly, outgoing, and they make you want to be around them.

Others, however, aren’t immediately likable.  I’ve studied this as well.  These people, and I have been and can be one of them, are unlikable, or just less likely to be liked, for some obvious reasons.  Well, obvious to others.

In a group of people, isn’t there someone who, too often, has to make the punny joke?  It’s obvious to everyone. Everyone, except that one, knows to not say it, but the one person has to make the comment.  Don’t be that person.

We all have bad days.  They happen.  This is life and life isn’t always great.  Some people accept them and move on. Some people wait until they’re home and share to a listening and interested partner or cry in the shower or punch a pillow.  Other people find it necessary to share their horror story with everyone they see, even if they are meeting you for the first time.  Don’t be that person.

Some people radiate an inner confidence.  It makes them attractive.  Other simply don’t.  They are just as good!  They are often educated and intelligent.  But rather than let their abilities naturally come through, they find it necessary to point out how wonderful they are.  Don’t be that person.

I like a good story!  It’s fun to share one and it’s fun to hear one.  Some people will listen to your story and enjoy it for the entertainment you offered.  Some people, however, need to top your story.  No matter what you said, they have a bigger and better story where, of course, they are the hero/ine.  Don’t be that person.

These people are often, but not always, the people who have to have the limelight.  Even as they ask how your day was, especially if it was a big day for you, like your first day of a promotion or an important celebration, they let you speak for a minute, then make the conversation about them.  Imagine it’s your anniversary – any anniversary, work, children, relationship – and even as they asked you if you had a good day and asked how you celebrated it, their next breath is telling you about their last, or their very best, anniversary.  Don’t be that person.

I’m not saying these people are innately bad.  They aren’t!  In fact, they are often very nice people.  They mean well!  They probably don’t even realize that they overshare.  They definitely don’t realize that when we see them coming, in real life or on social media with their latest post (for the seventh time that day), that we sigh and wonder, “what now?”  If they did know that they overpost, or overexplain, or make too many excuses, surely they would stop, wouldn’t they?

A teacher once told her class, “If one person doesn’t like you then it’s on them.  If several people dislike you, you need to look at yourself.”

I’m not sure if that fits here, but it remains a fair statement.

If you’re naturally likable, then enjoy it and keep doing what you’re doing.  If you want to be more likable and have more friends, then ask yourself if any of the points discussed could pertain to you.  As I said, I’ve been guilty of all of these things.

I now focus on making conversations about other people.  If they want to know more about me and my day then they’ll ask – and I’ll answer because I believe they are sincere in wanting to learn more.

Always venting to people, or verbally throwing up on people is what I sometimes say, is just not good.  Don’t be that person.

Lindy is a Business Consultant and Speaker for companies, church, and organizations of all sizes and individuals of all levels.  In addition, she is an author and columnist.  Contact her at LMEarl@EarlMarketing.com to speak to your corporation or organization.