Find A Nicer Way to Say Things

January 2018

Start the new year, not with resolutions, but with ideas and knowledge about better ways to do things. You know to read your Bible, eat right, exercise, and do unto others the way you want them to do unto you. One area that affects everyone in the world on a daily basis is communication. Communication affects everyone daily.

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I had a teacher in school who once said to Cynthia, my best friend at the time, that she had diarrhea of the mouth. What a Horrible analogy! I remember being so hurt for my bestie. Rather than saying, “You talk too much,” maybe “you could try to listen to others more.”

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While I would never want to utter these words let alone speak them, I have heard people say, “you’re such a loser.” Now, there was probably a reason the words were said, but how much kinder and probably more successful would it be to say, “It would be great to see you set and achieve some goals.” That may make a positive difference rather than reinforcing some already believed negative thoughts.

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When trying to motivate others, rather than saying, “You’re not trying hard enough” maybe “I know you have the ability to do this.”

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Can you hear a smile? I contend that you can. The simplest request, when asked with a smile on your face, comes across better. It’s simply a nicer way to say things.

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Are you using your manners? One example I use often, and overwhelmingly received positive response, is pointing out the difference of hearing, “You may be seated” and “Please be seated.” Our mothers were correct – manners count.

Are you asking or telling people? I often overhear people, who legitimately have the power over another, such as a manager for an employee, telling others what to do. There is nothing wrong with this form of communication, and as the lines of authority are clearly drawn, doesn’t it work better to ask versus state. “Go clean up the spill” is just not as nice as, “Would you clean up the spill?” It would be even better if you added manners to the question and threw in the word please. It is clear the underling is going to accomplish the task either way it is proposed, so find a nicer way to say it.

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Further, it’s more than just verbal communication. Try writing a note to others. I was tickled beyond words a few months ago when my daughter left chocolate and a note that read, “Good morning, Beautiful” by my bed. The note (sans chocolate) was then left in her room. It continues to go back and forth, often hidden. What a fun communication game.

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If writing a note is just not your forte, send a card. It really is the thought that counts. The idea that you took time to say something nice means a lot.

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Non-verbal communication counts as well. Taking time to dress up for a meeting, whether with a vendor or a spouse, is noticed. Hand gestures, timeliness, and smiles all communicate internal thoughts, whether or not you realize you are sending any messages. Consistent tardiness, for example, suggests disrespect or disdain – is that what you really meant to say? It’s to be a few minutes early than have to apologize for being late.

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We all communicate, verbally and non-verbally, daily. Consider both what you say and how you say it to see if there is a nice way to share your thoughts.

Time Passes

December 19, 2017

I’m attending my mom’s funeral in a few hours.  I’m not saying this to get sympathy, but as a fact of life.  My mom was with us a week ago and now she’s gone.  Time passes.

Time passing is a good thing.  Without that we would never have moved forward in any way – technologically, psychologically, physically, emotionally . . . . I realize this all makes sense, but what day is better than a funeral day to stop and think about it?

We come into this world and may live in a 10×10 room with a crib and ten changes of clothes.  By the time we pass, we may live in a 10×10 room with a bed and ten changes of clothes.  Everything in between, well, what?  We have all heard about living the dash.  On tombstones, they inscribe a name, then our birth date and death date, separated by a dash – that dash represents our lives.  Make the most of the dash because time passes.

We go to school, where some excel and others don’t.  Those who excel talk about grades and GPA for the rest of their lives (I’ve heard them).  Those who don’t talk about their successes, such as sports or vocations.

Then, finally, we have our real lives.  Why were we all in such a hurry to get there?  We have jobs, families, houses, mortgages, yard work, vacations for some, visitations for others (that’s when your only vacation is visiting family due to distance or cost), holidays, stress, children, events . . . . Time passes.

At the end of it, I guess we look back and say, “S/he had a good life.”  I have to take this time to encourage you to stop and ask, are you having a good life?  Time is passing whether or not you are.  Time is passing whether or not you get your lawn and housework done.  Time is passing whether or not you exercise and skip the donut today in an effort to be healthy.  Time is passing whether or not you go on vacation.  Time is passing whether or not you sleep in. Time Is Passing.  Is your time, is your life, what you want it to be?

For years, in my speaking and writing, I have encouraged others to surround themselves with positive people.   During this time in my life, I am surprised at the people who are here for me.  I am receiving calls and letters and texts and cards from so many people!

I’m encouraging you to be the positive person for others, so others will seek your company.  It just doesn’t take much to listen.  It amazes me that whether we are at a christening or a wedding or a funeral, people make conversations about themselves.  Really?  Please, please don’t be one of those people.  Time passes.  As it does, do you want to be known as the person who always had to tell a story, or had to make a joke?  Do you want to be the person others intentionally stayed away from?

I’m a pretty solitary person.  During events I enjoy stepping back and watching.  I watched my niece’s wedding reception the other day, and the one person who saw me doing this and came over to say hello was the bride.  She knew to take a minute and look around.

So, time is passing.  Take a minute.  Look around.  Is this the life you want?  Are you the person you want to be? Do others seek your company?  Are others there for you? Are you there for others?  Make your dash mean something.  I hope people miss you when you’re gone, even if it’s only for an hour or a day. Time passes.

Lindy is a Business Consultant to International and Domestic firms.  Contact her via Linked In to schedule your consultation.

Be an Encourager

December 12, 2017

Not everyone gets to be the quarterback, or even on the team.  But everyone can be an encourager.  You can cheer on your employees.  You can encourage your boss.  You can praise your colleagues, your children, even cashiers.

A simple cheer can be a compliment – “Hey, you look really nice today,” or “You did a great job on that last project.”  You don’t have to be the boss to acknowledge a job well done.  You don’t even have to be in the meeting.  If you don’t know what to say, or are not in a position to say anything, a thumbs up and a smile will communicate your encouragement.

Written compliments are even better!  Send an email.  Write a letter.  Scribble “nice job” on a napkin.  Send it by mail or drop it on their desk or under their door.  Sign it or be anonymous.

Written communication also includes thank you notes.  There are a myriad of reasons to thank anyone – for timely deliveries, for consistent good work, for a great attitude.  Any reason to show your appreciation can be sent with a simple thank you.  Again, email, a handwritten note, or a formal letter all work.

Gifts are another way to encourage others.  It can be something silly.  Go to the dollar store and buy a whiffle bat and wrap a note around it that says, “Thanks for going to bat for us.”  Of course a nice gift counts too, and I’m a fan of perishable gifts – Hickory Farms at Christmas, gas cards year round!  Your thoughtfulness in sending a gift means more than the gift you choose.

So, when should you offer encouragement?  Immediately!  Look for opportunities. Try to catch people doing well.  Set up chances for people to excel.  It can be as organized as a contest or just casual opportunities to find an excuse to offer praise.  Encouragement is one of those things that benefits the giver as well as the receiver.  You will feel more positive as you offer encouragement to others.

Lindy is a Business Consultant to International and Domestic firms.  Contact her via Linked In to schedule your consultation.

Personality Types

December 5, 2017

Can we really classify personality into four types?  You’ve seen this.  Heck, I’ve taught these.   The theory is that you classify yourself and others into one of these boxes.  The real point is that you change your communication style based on others’ personality box.  So if you’re an Influencer (per one strata) and you are working with a Results-driven, then you change your word choice and body language to improve your chance of success.

One popular classification is DISC – Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and

Compliance.Another is Results driven, Facts driven, Steady, and Interaction.

The one I preferred teaching is Drivers, Analyticals, Expressives, and Amiables.

You can easily see the comparisons and how they mirror one another.  Now, we can allow for a combination of types, as in an Expressive Amiable or an Analytical Driver, allowing for more types.

While using any of these lists can certainly help in your approach, using them can also lead to judging and labels.  I don’t think either of those is a good thing.  Even the good book tells the world to not judge (Matthew 7:1, by the way).

In addition, starting at the time we were first around large groups, probably Kindergarten, we have all see children, or may have been one, who just did not fit into any of the groups.  As soon as it was seen that the child didn’t fit into the rules the teacher, or society, had created, they were labeled different.  Often difficult.  It was made clear to everyone that they did not fit in.

What about the idea that we act differently when in different groups?  I’ve been this and seen this for years!  At church I am a follower – I don’t volunteer anymore.  At work, I’m a leader and take charge person.  So the categorization changes based on where I am.  This really puts a chink in the concept.

I once heard it said that the smallest microcosm of society is the individual.  Now, I realize there is a logic in grouping people.  We can’t all have our own public bathrooms, right?  For years they were designed by gender.  In the past decade a new segregation was created: family. It was brilliant for people with young children, because men didn’t want to take little girls into the men’s room nor did they want to allow their princess into the ladies’ room unprotected.  Logical response?  Create a new option.

What if you just don’t fit into any of the personality classifications allowed in these schisms? Do you agree that there could be more than four personality types? So, let’s create some new options.  Let’s create – Creative.  Aloof.  Observant. Patient. Loner. Perfectionistic. Outrageous. Devout. Cerebral. Independent. Sympathetic. Arbitrary. Compassionate.  Obviously there are hundreds more.  So we don’t want to find too many, nor do we want to find too few.

If you try to fit all your employees into only the four categories offered, I think there will be problems.  Human beings have a way of not always fitting into stereotyped roles.  Some call them Outliers, but this again creates division.

So, maybe don’t change your communication style based on what you think you perceive. Speak to others as people. Don’t judge and don’t try to manipulate with categories and rules. Use your communication techniques based on who you are, not whom you believe others may be.  Let them do the same for you so you don’t feel judged either.  The best option is to oust all the categorizing and just have one group – people.

Should You Be Discipling Someone?

December 2017

Have you ever been discipled?  As in someone took a great interest in you and did their best to teach, encourage, and exhort you and your abilities?  It hasn’t happened to me but I’m sure I would enjoy it.  Based on my feelings, I figure others would enjoy the experience as well. So, I’m wondering, should you be blessing someone by discipling them?

I have devised a list, which you can take as-is or add or delete categories as you choose, of categories of life.  Thus, I see multiple areas where you can disciple someone.  We are not all called to be masters of every area of our lives.   In fact, couldn’t you disciple someone even while you are being discipled?   My categories are:

Academic life or Professional life

Spiritual life

Financial life

Family life

Social/fellowship life

It’s probable that several of these categories will overlap, so even as you choose, for instance, to disciple someone in their Spiritual Life, you may find yourself discipling them in their family life as well.

So, some questions: Do you feel you stand out in one or more of these areas? Do people come to you with questions and seek your advice?  I’m not necessarily talking about spiritual gifts, although they would work well here.  Are you able to help others based on your educational and work backgrounds as well as your Spiritual gifts?  Do you have education or training in a field where you could disciple someone?  Maybe mentor would be a better word, but the same ideas apply.

Maybe you are called to disciple someone . . . or many people?  Do you have a desire to take someone under your wing?  Do you have the time to do so?  Will you commit yourself to a strategic alliance, because this type of relationship tends to last.

Some other things to consider:  What if your wise counsel is ignored? That can be hard to handle and you can’t take things personally.  Jesus told us what to do and many left Him, but He continues to love everyone, even those who rejected Him.

I believe discipling is not just giving advice.  It is not trying to manipulate someone into your way of thinking.  It is making yourself, your knowledge, and your ears available to others.  It is meant to guide, help, educate, and support.

If this is something you feel you should be doing, ask the Lord to provide the person you could help.  It may be someone you know or may be a total stranger.  You may have to put yourself out there, and there may be rejection before you find the right relationship.  If you’re ready to serve the Lord in this way, I have to encourage you to use you talents, gifts, and willingness, starting now.