Your Effect on Others

Imagine a tree.  The roots. The trunk. The branches. The leaves. The birds that rest on the branches or build nests there. The squirrels that play and cavort beneath the tree. The grass that is sheltered by the shade of the tree. The soothing sound of the wind through the branches.

You are a tree and can have the same effect on others as this tree.  I like to think in visuals, because with a simple image I can think in intricate details.  So, within your home, you may visualize yourself as the roots, and your marriage as the trunk.  Each child is a branch, and their efforts are the leaves.  You want to have a healthy tree, and you know how to do it.

At work you may be the trunk, or a branch, and the roots are already set, in the history of the company.  When you run errands, you may be a leaf on that tree, or you may be a bird spending time there temporarily.  On weekends or vacations maybe you’re the squirrel with some free time to play.

In every situation, with family, friends, and strangers, you have an effect on them.  Even if you pass by a tree every day and never acknowledge it, the tree is there and affects others, right? So, too, do you have an effect on everyone with whom you come into contact daily, even if you don’t realize it.

When you touch other people’s lives, you leave an imprint.  It can change a little day to to day, or maybe a lot for a small period if you’re going through something like a marriage or death of a loved one.  But some things will remain steady for long periods at a time.

Your attitude and outlook, for instance, affect others.  When you are positive, you can be an encouragement to others. If you tend to have mood swings, then others are affected by your moodiness and have learned to either deal with it or maybe stay out of your way.  Your kindness, your rudeness, your compassion, your judgment, your acceptance or intolerance, are all seen by others, and it affects others!

Take time to think about who you want to be, what legacy you want to leave, and how to attain that, day by day.  Every life is made up of years, of days, and of moments.  Make sure your moments are well spent.

Remember . . . What a Simple Word

We all have good days and bad days.  We all have positive moods and negative moods.  Challenges await us daily, but so do blessings.

Everybody has probably heard the story of the king who asked his wise men to inscribe a ring with something to make him remember all the good things in life, as well as remind him that bad times never last.  His ring was inscribed with the words, This too shall pass.  So when blessings and good times came, the king was careful to appreciate them, knowing they wouldn’t last forever.  And when bad things happened and hard times came, he could be reassured that the bad wouldn’t last forever and he would get through it.

Remembering is always available to us!  We need no phone or other technological support, we don’t need to be with others although that’s often helpful and enjoyable, there is no special location or position – we can enjoy this pastime in bed, in our cars, in the office . . . anywhere we choose to take a moment and remember.  We can do it alone or when part of a large group.  Our minds are amazing and allow us to access thousands of memories.

In remembering, we can relive and enjoy great moments from our past, whether it was last week or years prior.  We can look at details or just enjoy the overall memory.

What I think is most important about remembering is how it will affect us moving forward.  When I wake up moody or leaning toward depression – it may be a lack of sleep, the weather, or what I have on my agenda that day; it may be all three or something else – when I wake like that, it’s good to remember that I’ve been here before, and good things came my way anyway.  It’s good to remember that good can find us, despite our mood or attitude.  Remembering tells us that we do have a future and a hope, even on bad days.

It’s good to remember the promises that have been made to us, or we have made to ourselves.  If for example, you’ve promised yourself to be healthier or save money, remind yourself of what you want to do and what you want to avoid, today, to achieve your goal.

Remembering is a lovely pastime, but we can successfully use it to encourage us every day, to have a great future.

You Have to Ask

I was born in the ’60’s, and learned early that nothing is free, and few things are easy.  I was taught to work for a living.  I wasn’t taught entitlement.  I wasn’t taught pride.  Yet here I am, in the midst of them, in 2015.

In this world, there is good and bad.  I believe more good than bad, despite the occasional really bad day.  And yes, bad things do happen to good people.

But let’s get to the point of this blog. Despite being raised to be independent, I’m finally learning that, sometimes in life, you have to ask for help.  I don’t mean to sit back and wait for others to do everything for you.  I don’t mean to give up and hope somebody will rescue you.  And I definitely don’t mean to refuse to work and demand support and free things at the expense of others.

But as I live my life, and work my company, and look for more clients or a job, and maintain my house, and try to exercise and eat healthy . . . I realize it’s too much for me alone.  This isn’t a sermon about how I’m never alone, although I am a Christian.

This is about looking around and realizing that some people do things well, and better than I do.  It’s about humbling myself and approaching them, to simply ask for help.  Not a handout, but help.  I don’t want to be given anything but the chance to learn.  But with so many qualified, educated, and hard working people in my world, many of them my age with a great work ethic like me, I realize it’s okay, even good, for me to approach people and say, “Hey, can you help me?”

This benefits me, but it benefits others as well.  Yes, I get to learn from them. But they have the joy of someone requesting help from them.  Think about it.  Somebody has watched them and recognizes how good they are.  They are being affirmed in their daily lives, just by doing what they do.  It has to feel great to have somebody notice, even if it’s somebody who wants a favor.

They then have the joy of teaching – of taking someone and showing them a better way to do things, or at least a different way of doing things.  They get to help another, based on their own knowledge, contacts, and experience.  Wow.

But this all starts with my asking.  I need to acknowledge that sometimes life is too much for me. Not overall, but in one area.  I may ask for physical help – a ride to get my car.  Or emotional help – a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to me vent.

By my asking for help, others get to provide help, and feel good about themselves for doing so.  Of course, the option of saying no is out there. It’s possible you could ask someone for help who is overwhelmed themselves, or they themselves need a ride.  That happens.  Maybe that’s your opportunity to pay it forward.  And maybe that’s an opportunity to see that, just because somebody looks like they have it all together, doesn’t mean they do.  Then you can ask how you can help them.

Life is hard.  But life is good.  Life is harder alone, but doesn’t have to be lived alone.  You have to ask for help, and when you do, others benefit as well as you.

3 Steps to Putting Others First

Are you putting others first? You’ll find amazing reactions and responses when you consider others, and their needs, above your own.

I don’t mean the little things, although they are important.  Little things are opening doors for others or letting another driver go before you (as long as you don’t have a long line of cars behind you).

Putting others first means giving a colleague, vendor, client, neighbor, or family member their way, when it isn’t what you want.  I’m a morning person, and because of that, I’m not an evening person.  I prefer breakfast meetings to dinner meetings.  Coffee clutches to happy hours.  But, it’s not always about me.  Sometimes I can have may way, especially when I am meeting with other morning people.  Then we all win.  But sometimes I need to bite the bullet, take one for the team (and other adages and trite sayings).  Sometimes I schedule late afternoon and evening meetings, because it is best for others, or simply what they prefer. This put them first, especially when it is an inconvenience to me.

To put others first, you first need to know what others’ preferences are.  How?  Ask!  Tell them you’re able and willing to work around their schedule, or their preferences.  I’m not a Starbucks girl, but when meeting with certain colleagues, who I know are huge coffee fans, yes, I suggest Starbucks.  If you try, you can find something good about anything, such as Starbucks having good white hot chocolate.

Project a good attitude while you’re being considerate.  If you offer to let others choose the speaker, or entertainment, or venue, but make it clear you are unhappy with the choice, then you aren’t putting them first.  Decide to be open and amenable to whatever is chosen. You may find you enjoy something new, or maybe even learn something.

Thank others for their time, energy, effort, and ideas.  This really does put them first, as it gives credit to others.  I thanked my date half a dozen times yesterday for taking me to the Falcons game.  While he, also, enjoys the NFL, he really bought the tickets as a kindness to me.  Yes, he put my preferences first (even over his own wallet, I think).  And I put him first in letting him know I appreciated his thoughtfulness in choosing an activity he knew I would enjoy.  So it was a double win.  As he put me first, I put him first, all within 3 steps.

As you make an effort to put others first, it will become a habit.  Then it will be emulated, and you’ll find you’re the thought leader at work, with friends, and at home. All because you take into consideration others’ opinions, preferences, and choices, with a good attitude.

Be a Good Listener

We have all heard the adage, You have 2 ears and 1 mouth so you can listen twice as much as you speak.  It’s good the first time you hear it but it gets old fast. The question is, what does it mean to be a good listener?

First, it means giving others your attention.  There is a difference between talking face to face and talking while you are busy making supper or going through the mail.  Face to face chatting makes the other person the focus of your attention. It also makes them feel important, which is a good thing.

Second, it means being open minded to what they have to say.  Non-verbal communication speaks volumes, and it often shouts. Yes, I am a Professional Speaker and I give seminars on this, among other, subjects on Communication.  But this one is so important!  We often say so much with our non-verbal responses, that we are not being a good listener. If you can make a point of being open minded to what others are saying, your non-verbal cues will be in check.

It also means focusing on what is being said versus thinking of what your response is.  You will have your turn, and it will be better spent if you listen to a message, take a minute to digest it (they’ll wait for you to do so, and you can even say, “Let me think about this for a minute”), then respond.  Taking a minute to organize our thoughts helps with good communication and avoids miscommunication.

If you are truly listening to others, then at the end of the day you should be able to recall important information from your conversation.  If you remember the conversations but not the points, ask yourself if you can listen better tomorrow.

#Listening #Good Communication