Reflect Christ

March 2016

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?  Chances are you don’t see much that surprises you because we are all used to seeing our reflection in a mirror.  No big deal.

But, if I were to ask you to stare at your reflection and really diagnose what you see, what would you say? Chances are that you would see imperfections.  Blemishes or scars. A nose or chin that you wish was different.  Eyes you want to be larger or set further apart.  Women are sold billions of dollars’ worth of products every year to change the appearance of our faces.

When God looks at you, what does He see?  He sees His baby.

Now, when people really stare at us, it makes us uncomfortable.  Our tendency is to look away or hide our faces or make a joke or stare back to discourage their looking at us.

When God looks at us He sees us as the children He created.  Imagine you are looking with love at a small child.  You smile, maybe without even realizing it.  Your face softens.  Your eyes may get misty.  It’s a pleasure just watching this small being.  That’s how God sees you.  Not your imperfections.  Not your limitations. Just you.  The child He loves.

How do we see others when we look at them?  Often through disapproving and judgmental lenses.  I read an article the other day by a mom who didn’t understand why some people just wouldn’t learn the difference between the words your and you’re . . . until she had a dyslexic daughter.  She wrote that she became far less judgmental after this opened her eyes.

I do not suggest we look at the world through rose colored glasses.  That just puts a lovely hue on everything, but it doesn’t really change anything.

I suggest we look at the world through the reflection of a mirror.  Hold up a mirror and you can see what others see.  You can even see behind you.  If you catch the light just right you can make that mirror burn things.  Don’t do that.  Stop doing that.  We do that now with our critical looks and eye rolling.

What if you held a Jesus mirror that allowed you to look at others the way Jesus sees them? Instead of seeing an annoying talker you see the insecure person trying to fit in.  You see the shy adolescent trying to win others approval.  You see people making an effort instead of falling short.

God sees us for what we are, yet He looks at us with love.  He sees our imperfections and sins . . . yet He loves us and chooses to focus on that.  Let’s look at others the same way and see how our thoughts and actions change.  Let’s look through a mirror that shows people’s intents and stop judging what we choose to see as negative. Let’s stop telling people they are not sorry when they apologize and take them at their word. Then let’s watch how our acceptance of others transforms their behavior.

Let’s watch as we expect the best of others and they deliver it. Let’s reflect Christ in our thoughts and words and actions and see amazing restoration of relationships. And great new relationships. And introductions to a love and caring God. You can do all this, starting today, and every time you look in a mirror.

 

 

Stop Listening to Others

February 23, 2016

Now, I realize the irony of the title of this blog.  If I’m telling you to stop listening to others, then why should you listen to what I say here?  Conundrum.

It seems I am hit, not physically but sometimes it feels like a slap upside the head, multiple times a day, with things I should do (be positive, show your leadership, practice good communication) as well as things I shouldn’t do (a good manager never . . . ).  Headlines tell us how to improve our managerial style, our effectiveness, our gratitude.  Oh my gosh!  I just scrolled through Linked In and immediately found three posts about effective leadership.  Statistics are thrown at us proving that we’re doing everything wrong.  Dollar figures are introduced to prove that we’re wasting talent and energy and money.

Well, your ideas may not work for me.  If it works for you, then great!  Do it.  Enjoy it.  Succeed with it.  But maybe you shouldn’t tell me how to do my job.  Maybe your passions aren’t my passions.  I’ve found everyone has some passion in their life, and that’s a great thing.  My challenge is when others try to force their passions on me.

If you want to save pets, then go do it!  If you think nobody should smoke, then don’t.  Just because you’re melodic doesn’t mean you can infringe on my solitude by getting me up and singing.  It’s not my thing.  You may be a great cook, but it doesn’t mean everyone has to enjoy these amazing meals.  Sometimes a cheeseburger is just fine with me.  And I like bacon, too.  Yes, I know it’s unhealthy.  Maybe I prefer to die three minutes earlier for every piece of bacon I consume in the last decade of my life.  Isn’t that my choice?

The world tells us what time to get up in the morning, by setting normal working hours, country by country.  But that’s not enough.  Now we need to get up early enough for quiet time and exercise.  Well, maybe my exercise comes better at noon, and I should enjoy my quiet time in the middle of the afternoon, so I can get through the rest of the day.  Who are these people who have determined what’s best for me?  Since writing my first draft of this article, I happened upon a list of 9 things I should do before 9am every day.  Really?  Starting with, get up earlier, to relax and give yourself a break.  How can both of those items be on the same list?

I love experts.  They are experts because they have great knowledge.  But, one size fits all, in my experience, means that one size doesn’t look good on anybody.  It’s just a big drape that covers imperfections.  It may be best to not cover our imperfections.  Sometimes those imperfections show some transparency and humility, and that’s a good thing. In my seminars I am quick to share that there are some things I don’t do well – accounting!  While I love numbers and how they apply to algebra and quantitative analysis, I just don’t do the accounting thing.  Bookkeeping is okay.  So there are two ways to deal with it. Some would tell me to face that challenge!  Overcome my mental blocks.  Fight to learn. I can do it.  I say, “forget it!”  I will, and have, happily paid the brilliant accountants of the world to handle my taxes for me.

By not taking on every challenge, it frees up my time to do what I do well.  I can perfect the things I enjoy.  AND, I’m doing things I ENJOY!  In a world where time is limited, why would I fight to learn something that others enjoy and do well?  Not doing accounting makes me happy.  My quality of life is better by not being everything to everyone.

I am going to stop listening to all these experts who tell me how to be a better leader, how to succeed in life, how to stop fearing failure, how to stop fearing success (yes, I’ve been on Linked In again and all these topics immediately popped up).  I’m going to take the information I have gleaned over my life and apply it, when and where I feel I need it.  I am going to focus on making and keeping myself happy.  By being happy, I will be nicer to others, because I’m happy.  Others will be happier because they were treated nicely.  And they might figure out that they can listen to their heart, and learn from their own experience, and stop trying to be all things to all people.  Maybe we can all do our best, and stop trying to fix others, and focus on ourselves, based on our own experiences and what we know to be true.

Shortcuts Don’t Work in the Long Run

February 16, 2016

I know we are all tempted at different points in life to take the easier path.  Sometimes we’re in a hurry and need to get it done.  Sometimes there are financial and time constraints which we just don’t want to invest. Sometimes the prize just isn’t worth the effort.  Sometimes we are just tired.  The short cut is enticing . . . freeing . . . the obvious solution.  But is it?

Students who want a degree, not an education, please listen:  Does anyone really want to employ a student who was just going through the motions?  I’m not talking about grades, which are too often superfluous and meaningless.  We have all met people with college degrees, even masters degrees, who just don’t really have knowledge.  A business major who doesn’t know how to write an Income Statement – how does that happen?  A teacher with a lack of understanding when it comes to child behavior.  Do we want an engineer who just phoned it in to design our bridges?  These students eventually get found out and the shortcuts taken lead nowhere.

In personal health, we all know the right way to lose weight and stay healthy, and it’s not fad diets.  Healthy decisions, from exercising to what foods we choose to eat and choose to not eat. How much sleep we get.  These are all choices within our control, and the turtle is going to win the race, not the hare that sprints and stops.

Nobody wants to buy a product from a company that takes short cuts – are you listening Volkswagen? People are willing to pay for quality.  When a company takes shortcuts, they eventually show, and bad long-term effects ensue.  Is it really worth winning a battle when you’ll lose the war?

In strategic decisions, such as long-term career goals, invest in yourself and make the right decision.  You are worth the time and energy to do things right.  Don’t sell yourself short and take short cuts.  In truth, shortcuts are a copout and nothing you need.

When you take time to know what you want, you need to be willing to do the work to get there, learning everything you can on the way, and never stop learning.  You need to apply what you know to be true.  The joy of reaping may begin at any time, but when you invest in yourself, the rewards are sweeter.

Why I’m Not in a Hurry to Do You a Favor

February 9, 2016

So, SO many people have approached me over the years with great ideas.  I mean really stupendous, fantastic, “you are going to LOVE this!” ideas.  Invariably, they all end up with me taking my time in order to help them, always for free.  For instance, when people learn I’m a speaker, they will share that they, too, are speakers . . . or at least could be.  Their wonderful idea is, in order to make MY seminars and keynotes and presentations really wonderful, I should invite them to speak WITH me.  That would really help me, because they have a FABULOUS message that people are dying to hear!

Well, who says people are dying to hear your message? “Oh, I just know they are.  This is a message people NEED to hear.”  Based on what?  “On what I know to be true.  I’m a really great speaker.  I’ve done hours of research.”  Well, if you were a really great speaker, people would be finding you and paying you to speak, and you wouldn’t be asking me to find and gather an audience then highlight you.  What they want is an agent, and not only an agent, but a FREE agent – under the guise of doing me a favor.

Another good one is when people learn that I am a business coach/consultant, for every level – I don’t limit my service to the C suite.  Invariably people approach me for a one-on-one, to “network and share ideas.”  Sadly, their goal, or hidden agenda, is to receive advice from me, pro bono.  That was fine a decade or so ago when I was making my mark and needed to prove myself.  At this point, my successful clients speak for me, so I don’t see any reason why I should take hours out of my day to make you more successful, when you won’t even invest in yourself.  You don’t think YOU’RE worth my paid services, so can you imagine what I think of what you offer? Be willing to invest in yourself if you want me to invest in you.

I find the same challenges on Social Media, with people I’ve never even met face to face.  I get a Linked In or Friend request, and the next thing I know I’m being told how I can help them.  For a while it was the very bad, “I’m almost at my quota – won’t you help?”  No.  Reaching your quota is your JOB, not my responsibility.

Sadly, friends even take advantage of me in my personal life.  I am a frugal girl. In order to be frugal I spend a lot of time, energy, and effort finding great deals.  Extreme couponing, whether with clothes or food, doesn’t come without a lot of work. Yet, people will ask me to “pick up something” since I’m there anyway.  But it’s okay, since I’m already there and “they’ll pay me for it.”  Excuse me?  Not only are you asking me for my research of where to buy something, but I’m literally doing the leg work for you, then, THEN, you are asking me to FINANCE it?!  Do these people, albeit friends, have any idea how bold and invasive this is?  Next they’ll ask me to deliver it.

I’m not unwilling to help a new speaker, or give business advice, or share my great finds with friends, but, seriously, I need to make a living too.  And when I give away my services, I end up with no billable hours.  So not only did I use my time to work for free, but I lost the opportunity to work for someone else.

People, please consider what you’re asking when you ask someone for “just a teensy weensy favor.”  Your favor may be their lifeblood.  This happens in ALL industries – the mechanic is asked to diagnose a car engine’s noise, the physician is asked to look at a rash, the plumber is queried for specific directions on how to fix a leaky faucet, the Math Teacher is asked for easy ways to explain algebra to children, and yes, the speakers and Consultants out there who are forever asked for business advice.    I’m sure everyone named is more than happy to supply advice, especially with an intimate circle of friends, but don’t be surprised that we are not in a hurry to meet with you when, despite your protestations that you’re helping us, in truth we are just doing you an unpaid favor.

Breaking Bad Habits

February 2, 2016

     Our life is a collection of days.  Our days are a collection of minutes.  In those minutes, we pick up habits, both good and bad.  Brushing your teeth after every meal is a good habit.  Waiting until the sink is too full to add water is a bad habit.  We get this, yet it’s hard to change our bad habits.  Here are some ideas to get you moving in the right direction.

1.  Try to discern why the habit exists.  If you find yourself overweight and can’t establish a habit of healthy food and exercise, ask yourself why. Are you a stress eater? Do you think you’re too poor or busy to live differently?  Are you just interested?  Are you lazy?  If you can understand the reason for a behavior, or a lack of behavior, it will be easier to change your pattern.

2.  Find a mentor.  If Time Management is your issue, find someone you know who uses their time well and request their help.  If they are like me they will put you on a schedule and expect homework – that’s what I do with people I mentor.  The mentoring relationship should be short term, the length depending on individual situation.  Learn from others!

3.  Similar, find an accountability partner.  If you want to drop a bad habit, find someone with a similar wish, and set up accountability calls, including emergency calls.  So every day you will call one another at 4:00 to be sure the other person didn’t . . . smoke, cuss, whatever.  During the day there may be some calls before or after this call, when urges strike.

4. Think of the consequences.  As you decide what habits to change, think of the consequences if you don’t replace bad habits with good.  It could be financial, physical, or emotional pain.  You don’t want to die young and you don’t want to do that to your family.  You want to get out of debt, and today is the best day to start.  Write it down if it will help you, but consider the long term results of your habits to motivate you to better decisions.

5.  Reward yourself.  Yes, we all know this one, but it helps.  As you develop better habits you can treat yourself to a movie, or an afternoon of reading, or whatever will encourage your and your new habits.  If your bad habit was spending money, you cannot reward yourself by shopping.  Be sensible here.

It’s hard to break bad habits and easy to break good ones, but it can be done.  Choose as least one of these suggestions and you’ll find half begun is well done (with thanks to Mary Poppins).