Use Your Sense(s) Well

April 19, 2016

There is a lot of foolishness in this world.  Some people seem to avoid it better than others. How?  Some people are better tuned into using their sense and senses.

I don’t think any of us is especially lacking, but I do think we all have better moments, and better days.  I have certainly said something, and even as the words were leaving my mouth, I thought to myself, “Why am I saying this,” or “I know that didn’t come out right.”

So when we do use our senses, we need to use them carefully. First, we need to be careful what we say as well as How we say it.  Mom was right – it’s not just what you say but how you say it.

Ask yourself if it’s really necessary to point out something, or if the moment has passed.  If someone is lost, they know it.  Your sharing the idea that they should have checked the address before leaving doesn’t help anyone – it doesn’t even make you feel better after you say it.

Choose your words carefully.  The difference can be minor but important.  Sales reps know to use the word Agreement over Contract.

Use your mouth to mind your manners.  Say please and thank you and excuse me and I’m sorry.

Use your eyes.  You don’t need to state the obvious, if others can see as well. Focus on what you are seeing – is the person in front of you upset and putting up a brave front? Maybe you need to ask if they need to speak privately.

We know the line – we have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak.  Don’t just listen, but listen to hear.  What is the person really saying?  Is there angst or energy in the message? Really listen for the underlying message. Recently I was in a 3-way conversation, and one gent was asking the other very specific information.  I very directly said, “He’s wondering if the person you’re discussing could be a client for him.”  The first gent laughed and agreed that, in fact, that was what he was trying to learn.  The second gent laughed as he hadn’t realized the point of the questions and provided the answer.  I was hearing the man’s overall question while the other gent was hearing individual questions.

Touch is good.  Put your hand out at the beginning and ending of conversations to say a physical hello and good-bye.  It communicates that you are invested in the conversation.  Touching someone’s arm may be a good gesture, but of course we all need to be careful of overstepping bounds with this sense.

There is not much to say about smell, except to be aware if you like cologne.  Whenever I speak on manners or interviewing, I mention the importance of aroma. Invariably I am approached afterwards to be told by an HR manager or CEO that they have refused candidates because of too much cologne.  That’s a sad way to lose a job considering how easily it can be corrected.

Start paying attention to what you say, hear, see, and smell.  Be careful to use touch correctly.  There is a plethora of information out there, and some people are better at using their sense to retrieve it, thus they are one step ahead of the game. You can be that person with a little attention and effort.

 

Listen, Obey, and Learn

April 12, 2016

If you’re clued into the real world, you’re well aware of the shorthand used to text.  You would therefore know that LOL means Laugh Out Loud.  I have another meaning for LOL and why it’s in the order it is.

I think LOL means Listen, Obey, and Learn.  From our earliest years, we are taught to listen.  If we obey, we are rewarded—with knowledge, with approval, sometimes even with a cookie or some other treat.  It was true when we obeyed our parents, our teachers, our Pastors, even our friends.  And in so doing, we learn.  We learn our numbers, our letters, history, math, and we learn the importance of obedience so we can learn.

So how do we listen?  First, and I fear this sounds harsh but needs to be said, with our mouths closed.  You can’t be listening if you’re speaking.

Second, listen with an open mind.  Don’t worry if you like the person, or how they speak, or what you think they’re going to say.  Be open minded when you listen.

Third, listen with all your senses.  Turn to the person, look at them, make eye contact; notice non-verbal communication—hands, face, body language.  Are they begging you to listen to them?  Are they defensive?  What do you think about what they’re saying?

Consider the timing.  It’s possible the person doesn’t know company resources, so what may be a good idea yesterday doesn’t work today, or vice versa.  Even the time of day may be off.  If you’re trying to get to a child’s soccer game, you may not be attentive to a good idea or instructions, even though you’ll say you are.  Distractions happen to everyone, so please be open to nonverbal clues suggesting whether or not someone is giving you full attention.

Consider the source—is this someone you like and respect?  Would you be paying more attention if the information were coming from your boss?  Be open to everyone!

Back to LOL, how often do we want to rearrange these?  Remember it’s listen, obey, then learn.  But how often are you asked, especially by children, “why?”  We’re trying to put the learn before the obey.  We hear the call, even something as simple as, “Please come here.”  The appropriate response would be to obey, and go.  But instead we query, “Why?” or “What for?”

Another reason to listen:  respect.  You would want someone to listen to you, and you should listen to others.

Obey:  this means act.  If you say you’ll call, then call.  If you left it nebulous, then take some action the next day to confirm the next step.  If you agreed to a sale because you were distracted, own up to it, and either beg off or make it work.

Be responsible in obedience.  If your boss tells you to do something that you don’t like, but it’s legal and moral, then do it.  Don’t complain and do it.  Do it without whining, because lack of complete obedience is disobedience.  If it’s illegal or you’re really against it, then quit.  Or do whatever you have to do, but be aware that it could cost you your job.  I had this challenge as a young girl.  My boss, who didn’t own the company, told me to do his personal banking.  Thanks to some friends I’d already made in my first few days with this new company, I was forewarned that he would have me running personal errands for him.  I do make the point of saying that it wasn’t his company.  Being forewarned, I stated that I couldn’t do his personal errands during work time.  I was told to just do it, and I did.  It wasn’t illegal, but I thought it was, at the very least, inappropriate.  At the same time, it wasn’t worth quitting a new job.  But, he never asked me again, so the problem was solved just by my statement.

Learn—you don’t have to do anything here!  If you listen well, with all five senses, and if you follow up the way you should, then you’ll learn something.  You might learn a new task, or how to handle people better, or even what not to do in the future.  There are no experiences from which you can’t learn something!

I like to do a post-mortem and learn what I learned.  It can be formal or informal, but if you’re in an annual meeting, it could help next year, because you may not remember.  Any opportunity to learn is an opportunity to grow.

Keep Listening, Obeying, and Learning.

Be Prepared

April 5, 2016

Be Prepared.  It’s not just for the Boy Scouts.  You need to be prepared for anything.  Let’s discuss some key points of business and life for which you need to be prepared on a daily basis.

One way of being prepared is being organized.  Find a system that works for you, whether it’s a list, agenda, calendar, or PDA.  But, this system won’t do you any good at all if you don’t keep it updated.  To do that, you need to keep it with you at all times.  When someone suggests getting together, immediately pull out your daytimer and make a date, complete with time and location.  Business is lost when immediate follow through isn’t put into effect.  Even when you try to call them later and suggest you’d like to put something on the calendar now, they’ve had time to rethink it, or realized how busy they were, and you lost the opportunity.

Make sure you can intelligently discuss what you do, in an intriguing way that will want to make people speak with you, in less than a minute. Rehearse this with a friend or co-worker.  If you’re in Sales, find a way to make it interesting, or people will run as soon as you mention the word.  If you have a job title that is unclear, offer the definition before someone needs to ask for it, so they don’t feel uneducated asking what it means.

You need to know your products and services so well that you can summarize them in less than a minute, but give a 10 minute sales presentation without thinking.  You never know when you’ll be given an opportunity to sell, so know your stuff.  I’m continually amazed by people who need to read their elevator speeches at networks, and they own their own company. If you can’t discuss your own company, you’re working for the wrong person.

In order to be prepared for anything, you need to remember names and titles of people with whom you come into contact.  A few facts, such as where you originally met or last worked together, helps greatly.  The most beautiful sound in the world is the sound of your own name—make people like you by remembering their names.

You need to watch your vernacular in the professional world.  I can’t count how many people have lost clients because of some inappropriate language they chose to use, when it really wasn’t necessary.  Just yesterday I introduced two colleagues, and one used a naughty word, and the other commented on her language later, when we were alone.  He’ll never use or recommend this woman, based on her word choice.  Worse, she has no clue that it was inappropriate and that she lost a potential client, plus referrals, because of her language.

In addition to inappropriate words, it behooves you to improve your vocabulary in general.   Stronger words make for a stronger impression and presentation.  Delete even questionable words from your vocabulary and replace them with strong and intelligent nouns and verbs.

Part of being prepared is remembering you are always on stage.  You are constantly being watched by your family, neighbors, colleagues, and clients.  To that end, always dress appropriately.  I know it’s been a long day, but the chinos instead of the jeans say a lot, and really aren’t any less comfortable.  The closed toed shoes, ladies, aren’t as glamorous, sexy, or glitzy, but they are more professional.  How you dress is your first non-verbal communication with the world—be prepared to share a professional image even before you meet someone.

Make it a habit to return emails and phone calls within 24 hours.  Don’t say it on your answering machine, just do it.  First, it’s courteous.  Second, it’s professional.  Third, it may be profitable.  You really can’t always know where the call or email is going to go until you’ve explored it.

Being prepared means doing new and different things.  If you’re always attending the same lunches and networks, then you’ll always be meeting the same people and discussing the same topics.  Find new opportunities and commit to try them for a few months, because you really can’t know much after one meeting.

One thing over which we all have control, although it doesn’t always show, is our attitude.  Begin every day by choosing to have a positive attitude.  You can choose visualization exercises, read something inspiring, or whatever it takes to ensure your attitude is positive.  Whether you have a positive or negative attitude, it shows.

The last point coincides with the next part of being prepared, and that’s to decide in advance to do well.  Again, the visualization and memories of past successes will help.  In order to be prepared, you need to prepare yourself to be successful, because success breeds a lot of work, and you have to be ready for it.

This point may surprise some people but you need to be prepared to be ethical.  Decide now, and write it down, that you will avoid any hint of wrongdoing, long before there is any chance of error.  Then, if an opportunity does come along, you won’t take time to question what to do, because the decision will already be made.  Forewarned is forearmed, right?

A huge part of being prepared is to determine to listen more than you speak.  You may sound brilliant sharing your knowledge, but that may not help you prepare for the next step.  Share the knowledge you need to share, but be quick to listen to both verbal and non-verbal communication.  I’ve seen people rant on and on with an answer, until the listeners are sorry they ever asked.  Answer and move one, being careful to listen well.

Finally, in order to be prepared, we need to pay attention.  This is one payment that doesn’t cost us financially—or does it?  Paying attention now prepares us for future.  For instance, when introduced to someone, if you really pay attention to their name, company, and title, you’ll remember it later when you need to introduce them to someone, or you want to contact them again.  The more you concentrate and pay attention to life while it’s happening, the better your memory will be when you need to retrieve the information.