What the Bible Doesn’t Say

June 2017

Some people know a lot about what the Bible says. Some people believe the Bible says things that are not in the Good Book (Cleanliness is next to Godliness – not a Biblical verse). There are some very specific things the Bible does not say. I’m not talking about whether pets go to heaven or whether life exists on other planets (the Bible does not take a stand on either of these questions).

The Bible never includes a caveat, meaning a condition or limitation. So, when the Bible gives a command, or direction if you prefer, it doesn’t include a caveat such as, for instance, “when it’s convenient.” As in, Love your brother (1 John 4:21 ) . . . when it’s convenient.

The Bible never says . . . unless in public. As in, praise the Lord (Psalm 135:3) . . . unless in public. If it did, it would be okay to keep quiet and keep your praise and worship to yourself.

Another caveat the Bible does not include: After a good night’s sleep. In other words, tiredness is not an excuse for not doing the right thing. In fact, we see people roused from sleep (Luke 11:5-13) to help a very persistent neighbor. You can be that very persistent neighbor. Sleepiness, or a bad night, does not give permission to be less than the Christian you are called to be.

How about this one? “When things are going well for you.” We are called to be good stewards and good people every day, not just when we are having a good day. There is a funny scene in the musical Fiddler on the Roof. The shop owner gives the beggar one coin. The beggar replies, “Last week you gave me two coins.” The shopkeeper responds, “I had a bad week.” The beggar responds, “You had a bad week, so I should suffer?” It’s completely misguided but there is truth within. Just because we are having a bad time, we know as Christian the Lord is in control and is allowing the situation. Stay the course and do the right thing.

On that same track, the Bible never says, “When you are fiscally solvent.” Malachi 3, which is the famous chapter on tithing, does not say we only have to give when finances are good. It tells us to bring the whole tithe (one tenth of our income no matter what it is) into the storehouse, that there may be food in your house. It then goes on to say to test the Lord in this (Malachi 3:10).

In the New Testament, we are told the widow (Luke 21:1-4), who gave the equivalent of a few pennies, gave more than the wealthy, because they gave of their excess and she gave from her need. Here is an example of Biblical giving. There is no caveat of giving only when finances are great.

Our Father has given us multiple promises and commandments in the Bible, even beyond the Big 10. Jesus boldly stated the top two – love the Lord above all others and your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:37-40). The Lord did not give us conditions of how we can alter these with any caveat or limitation. What the Bible doesn’t say can carry great significance.

Why People Do Things

May 31, 2017

Like many others, I am an observer of human nature.  I am not a psychologist or counselor, but I believe I’ve learned much in my life, as have you.  I’ve recently begun wondering, why people do the things they do.

Sometimes it’s obvious, people eat because they are hungry.  Yes, people eat even if they aren’t hungry, even knowing it could be unhealthy and lead to physical consequences.  Is that chocolate (in my case) really worth it?  We even have cute adages for these challenges:  A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.  It seems to rarely be sufficient to put down the delicious food.

There are other reasons people do what they do, and in a moment I will share I list I have compiled.  First, I think it’s important to think about why we care.  If we can understand the reason for our employee’s/family’s/friend’s behavior, then we might be more tolerant.  If we know they are going through a rough time, we might be more understanding and even compassionate.  If they are someone who is in our life on a regular basis, we should care about them.

Here’s my list, and I invite you to add your thoughts to it . . . money, power, control, sex, self-esteem, acceptance, mental illness, trying to fit in, trying to help, discipline, knowing the right thing to do.  It’s not an especially positive list.

Some people, me being one of them, would work without the motivation (sorry Herzberg) of money.  The vast majority of people I’ve met in my lifetime only work for the money it brings.  That’s okay.  It’s how life works.

Some people do things for the power and control it gives them.  They work harder to get the promotion to attain authority.  In the right hands, this is a good thing.  In the wrong hands, it can be challenging.

Sex, self-esteem, and acceptance can too often work together, but often, in the end, negatively.  At this point let’s take ourselves outside of the office environment.  It has been said (another adage), that women trade sex for love and men trade love for sex.  How sad on both sides.  We do the same thing, to a less physical extent, when we go along just to get along (another adage!).  If we really did what we think is best all the time, what could we accomplish?

Sometimes, yes, I think there are mental issues on which I just can’t comment.  Suffice is to acknowledge them.

Many times I believe people do the things they do for altruistic and positive reasons. I am kind to others because it makes for a better world as the other person and I both feel better after a positive interaction.  I exercise because I feel better.  Discipline does add structure and can relieve chaos in our lives.

So try to understand the Why behind the Actions.  People behave the way they do for a plethora of reasons.  Please don’t judge others, but seek to learn why people do things and you may find yourself in better relationships.

Lindy Earl is a Business Coach and Speaker, working one-on-one and with groups, from small Entrepreneurships to half-billion dollar companies.  You, and your employees, can be happier and more successful when you hire a Business Coach to listen and help find the best communication and business techniques.  Contact Lindy today at LMEarl@EarlMarketing.com or 770-912-6192

Nicer Ways to Say Things

May 23, 2017

Mama was right when she said, it’s not what you say but how you say it.  We have all met people who had an amazing ability to state something negative in such a way that, not only is the listener not offended, but almost wants to thank the speaker.  How do they do that, and can it be learned?

Happily, yes, good communication skills can definitely be learned!

Specifically when conveying negative news, consider a Love Sandwich.  Preface your negative comment with a positive comment, and follow it with another positive.

So rather than, Your sales are down this quarter, which may come across as accusing or just plain negative, try: You’ve been a great Rep for us, and while we need to address the present quarter of a decrease in sales, I know that you have the work ethic to turn things around quickly.  You conveyed your information, in a non-confrontational and non-combative way.  The second compliment, about a wonderful work ethic, is also encouraging.  You are now seen as a positive and encouraging boss/role model rather than a demanding boss who is never satisfied.  Yes, it took more time.

What if you’re not in a position to offer a Love Sandwich?  Try the You’re right, but . . . method.  You can actually AGREE with what the client/subordinate/boss said, yet make your point, because you start by saying they are right.  This opening helps them drop all their defenses and be more open and inclined to listen.

For instance, “You’re right that the product needs to be shipped. No question about it.  I don’t, however, see the possibility of it being shipped by the end of the week.”  Try to stop there!  Don’t offer excuses or explanations.  If asked, be prepared, but do not offer more information as it could supply information for an argument.

We have seen this happen:  Hey, Joe, the shipment is not going out by Friday.  It’s not going to be done because of illness/transit issues/other.  This allows the listener, often the boss or client, to focus on the excuse, not the shipment.

If you limit yourself to the facts without excuses then you can direct the rest of the conversation.  So, you don’t see it being shipped by the end of the week, but when?  “If you work everyone overtime, at an additional cost, early next week, or the end of the next week without overtime expenses.”  You have redirected the conversation and have the other person choosing between alternatives, letting them be in control once again.  They will walk away thanking you.

If there is nothing on which you can agree, just share a general, Yes, but . . . comment.

So the Financial information isn’t looking good? Yes, but it’s better than, or . . .  Yes, but we expect future improvement.  This is a minor change from above, but sometimes you just can’t find a specific point of agreement (think about arguments), so just agree in general.

Yes, this communication techniques requires more time and more effort.  It may require some practice and honing.  In the long run, it is worth it.  The technique work with everyone at work as well as at home.  You can be the person others thank, even when delivering bad news.

Lindy is an In-house Consultant, Business Coach, Speaker, and Author.  She is The Adjunct Executive to companies and departments with 50 – 100 employees, focusing on Communication, Leadership, and Corporate Culture.  You can have Lindy in to motivate your Team with Seminars and Workshops, or be more successful when Lindy works with your staff one day a week, with her unique business model. Call 770-912-6192 today.

Consistency Counts

May 16, 2017

We have all had great moments, when we just nailed it!  We listened well.  We had a brilliant idea.  We responded well.  Those are great moments.  We have had great moments, when we worked hard and made a fabulous presentation.  Those are great moments.  We have all had great moments when we just performed at our best, whether at work or with friends.

The challenge is that those moments need to be consistent.  Making one great play in a game is not going to keep us on the team.  It’s important to consistently be a great listener, a great worker, and a great leader.

How you treat all your employees and colleagues, whether you are Management or Staff, is important every day.  You can’t just have a good moment as a Leader.  You have to be on your game every minute of every day.

This doesn’t mean you’ll have a bad moment when you completely miss the mark and, basically, blow it.  Those moments happen, but it’s important that those be the rare exceptions.

You need to decide, then execute, good customer service.  You need to learn how to be a good leader, then consistently show your knowledge and hone your skills.  You need to think of others before yourself.  You need to listen twice as much as you speak.

Are those all really NEEDS?  Yes!  In management, whether personal or professional, leadership has to be consistent, and consistently good.  To be a success in life, it is important that you consistently treat others well, day after day.

Is it exhausting?  Maybe, at first.  But it becomes a habit, and your new and better self emerges.  Make yourself consistently be a great leader, and you will see a difference in how others respond to you and, in return, how you respond to others.

Lindy is an In-house Consultant, Business Coach, Speaker, and Author.  She is The Adjunct Executive to companies and departments with 50 – 100 employees, focusing on Communication, Leadership, and Corporate Culture.  You can have Lindy in to motivate your Team with Seminars and Workshops, or be more successful when Lindy works with your staff one day a week, with her unique business model. Call 770-912-6192 today.

Clean Cuts Hurt Less

May 2017

I was counseling a friend recently, at his invitation.  Wait, let’s stop for a moment and discuss the difference between counsel and advice.  Proverbs 11:14 states, “ . . . in the counsel of many advisors there is victory.”  Counsel is the job of Advisors.  A good advisor, like a good facilitator or speaker, knows their job is to listen, discern, and direct.  They don’t just start spouting opinions, but allow discussion to hear all sides and consider multiple views.  Advice, however, may, too often, be one person’s opinion.  There is a difference.

So I have been speaking with this gentleman for a few months, always on the same topic.  One time we even brought in another person for counsel, and he said the same thing I had already said. In fact, the gentleman we were counseling knows quite well the right thing to do, but doesn’t want to do it.

He has reasons; he has excuses; he can rationalize why he shouldn’t, can’t, and won’t.  In the end, it needs to be done.  So, it wasn’t a surprise when, after talking for a while, he again reaches the same conclusion.  I then realized the issue was as much one of How to do it, not just what to do.

I believe the number one reason for procrastination, or failing to act at all, is just not knowing how to proceed.  I’m more than willing to fix my own car, but I do not know how, thus it may sit there until I either learn how to fix it or make some calls.  People procrastinate because they don’t know the steps to take.

So we created some game rules –

• make the decision after much prayer – check.
• Present the decision in public, to avoid emotional displays.
• Have a written log of what and why this is the final decision.
• Make it clear that this is the final decision.

Still, he obviously wasn’t happy with having to perform the deed. So, since we were sitting at lunch, I handed him a fork and a knife and presented him with my left thumb.  I told him, it doesn’t matter why, but I want you to cut off my thumb (this is just an example – it didn’t happen).  The question is, which tool will you use, because those are the only two available.

As you would, he quickly responded he would use the knife.  Why?  Well, it would cut better, whereas a fork would poke and have to scratch away at the flesh.  So?  Well, that would hurt you more.

Okay, so a clean break would simply hurt less.  Good reason.  What else?  Deer in headlights look.  Well, keep thinking.  If you used a knife, what kind of scar would you leave?  One nice, clean line, right? Yes.  While a fork would leave a jagged scar.  Which would you prefer?  The nice, clean scar.  So another reason for a quick end.

Not being able to say for sure, but just to surmise, which cut might attract more infection and issues?  The fork.  I’m not sure why, but I think this is true.  Maybe because a fork wound would be harder to clean in the first place.  Maybe because there would be deeper pokes.  The point is, another reason for a clean, crisp cut.

So, while cuts hurt – and they do! – they do heal.  A cut will probably cause tears, especially the cut of the level he needs to make.  A cut of this magnitude will take time to heal.  Even a paper cut takes 24 hours and we are way past a minor issue here.

But isn’t that a thought?  What if he had made the cut when it was nothing more than a paper cut?  It would have hurt for a day, but that’s all.  Now it’s the equivalent of cutting off a small appendage, which will cause blood and tears and require stitches and gauze and create quite the mess.  Could it all have been avoided if, when a small cut was made, it had been respected and left to heal?

What needs to be cut out of your life?  It may be an unhealthy relationship, or just a person who is needy. It may be some illness – have you been ignoring symptoms because you don’t think you have the time or money to deal with the issue? It may be your career/job/income.  It may be a bad habit.  It may be a good habit that needs to be cut into your life (yes, exercise).

Now is the time to make a final decision and pick up the metaphorical knife, although yours is probably a phone or computer or maybe two chairs facing one another.  Clean cuts hurt less.

 

Three Little Words

May 9, 2017

Communication does not have to be long and involved. In fact, this is one place where less is often more. Below is a short list of Three Little Words to get you thinking, but not talking too much. Feel free to add your own!

Live your faith

Always be prepared

Ask, don’t tell

Work comes first

Live, love, laugh

Let It Be

Make me smile

Find Your Passion

Quality over quantity

Don’t be predictable

You’re not alone

Thinking of you

I’m perfectly imperfect

Live Your Life

You got this

Make today count

Fight for it

Trust in yourself

I am sorry

I love you

Lindy Earl is a Business Coach and Speaker, working one-on-one and with groups, from small Entrepreneurships to half-billion dollar companies. You, and your employees, can be happier and more successful when you hire a Business Coach to listen and help find the best communication and business techniques. Call Lindy today.

Find Your Passion

May 2, 2017

It sounds simple, right?  It’s not.  It hasn’t been for me, and it hadn’t been for many of my clients before I arrived. Let’s first consider, why? First, I think too often we are steered into others’ passions.  Our parents, for instance.  We are told to live our lives, but then put in a box of expectations – where are you going to school, for instance.  Shouldn’t the question be, Do you want to continue your life through traditional education?

Or, we are, possibly accidentally, encouraged to live our parents’ passions.  Maybe they didn’t have the opportunity to go to College, or follow the career they wanted, or travel . . . so unwittingly their dreams and passions became ours.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not necessarily what we were called to do, either.

How many people do you know who changed their career halfway through life?  Good for them!  There are multiple actors with PhDs and MDs, because after their traditional pursuit of the American Dream, they chose to pursue their own dream . . . their passion.

How do you find your passion? Here are a few ideas to get you started . . .

• If you were given a year’s sabbatical to do anything you wanted, what would it be? If it’s to lie on a beach and do nothing, you’re not ready for this question.  If it’s to travel and learn about different cultures, that’s different.  Without bills or responsibilities, what would you do? You’re not getting the year, by the way, as you need to maintain your responsibilities.  This is a question to make you think.
• Ask your friends. Others often have more insight about us than we acknowledge about ourselves.  Just yesterday a client texted me, “Sometimes I think you are seeing things in me I need to see in myself.” Exactly.
• Where does your mind go when you’re alone? A friend and I spent an evening together last week.  We discussed work, a new business she wants to open, and men.  At the end of the day, in retrospect, we realized the discussion of her new business was the best conversation of the day.  That’s her passion.
• When are you happy? Are you happier when around people or alone? Are you happier when creating or performing tedious tasks? Are you happier when delegating or walking away from responsibility?  Answer some soul-searching questions to learn more about yourself.

What to do with it?

Discernment.  What about your passion fuels you?  For example, what are you pursuing – the idea of flying a plane or your search for freedom?

Educate yourself.  You may not yet have any idea what your real passion is.  Don’t be fooled.  Use discernment as you learn about yourself and possible passions.  Yes, you can have more than one.

Find others who share your passion.  Birds of a feather flock together, iron sharpens iron, lots of other adages and clichés.  You will enjoy being around others who enjoy your same passion.  You will probably also learn from them, and in time may come to mentor others.

Be creative and find a way to monetize your passion.  You may not get paid to pursue your hobby, but somehow, your hobby is making money for somebody. If you enjoy working with wood, go to work for a lumber yard, just to be around different woods and learn everything you can.  You may not be the one building, but you’ll meet others who are and that could lead to some great conversations and maybe some opportunities you would not have otherwise found.

 

Don’t allow yourself to get too sidetracked.  If you believe you are following your passion and invest lots of time, energy, and money in it, then realize you’re in the wrong direction, be willing to walk away.  The time was still well spent, not wasted.  You learned what you don’t want and you probably picked up great information on the way that could easily help you in unexpected ways in the future.

Give yourself time.  Your passion has probably always been deep within you, possibly lying dormant.  Give it time to emerge and blossom.  There may be some false starts so be patient with yourself.

Lindy is a Business Coach and Speaker, one-on-one, departmentally, at Sales Conferences, Industry Events . . . wherever people are interested in learning and growing.  Much of what is learned is applied to personal lives as well as in the professional context, so double wins exist.  Contact Lindy today and begin a new road to more success.