You’re Too Busy . . .

. . . and God doesn’t like it.  I can’t think of a better month to post an article about being too busy than now, right in the middle of another holiday season.  Yes, I say Merry Christmas, but in this case, we are between holidays – Thanksgiving was last week and Christmas and New Year (followed by two birthdays in my family) are coming quickly.

Back to the point, we do, in our modernized and technological world, find ourselves overly busy.  Not only do we take on too much, we seem to often find ourselves outdoing previous efforts.  If last year I threw a party for two dozen friends, maybe I should invite three dozen; or keep the same number but do more and better food; or invite more and improve the refreshments AND add to the decorations.  It doesn’t stop.

Or, again because of technology, we are available 24/7.  We are always on call and on demand.

This is not, however, an article about learning to say no.  You already know to do that and it’s your choice whether or not you do so.  Nobody is judging here, but neither are you allowed to complain if you take on more and more.

The Lord, however, does have something to say about being too busy.  In Psalm 46:10 He tells us, “Be still and know that I am God.”  Yes, you can know He’s God while running around and multi-tasking, but that’s not what the verse says.  It says, very succinctly, “Be still.”  Isn’t that amazingly difficult?

First, it’s hard because there is always so much on our self-imposed to-do list.  Second, I believe it’s hard because, while we know we don’t NEED to earn others’ love and respect by doing more and being more, we still somehow seem to believe that it helps.  If I take on one more committee, or one more task, or make more calls . . . .   Be still!

I think another reason we take on so much is that we feel guilty if we are ever still.  Even if I sit and watch a football game (the reason Autumn was created, right?), I tend to do it with knitting or crocheting in my lap.  What is that?!  I can’t even take a few hours on the weekend to just enjoy a game?  Obviously not.

There is no reason for us to justify our existence by doing more and being more, yet here we are.  Even though Scripture clearly tells us to Be Still.  But that’s just the beginning.  After we’re still, we need to Know that He is God.  That’s a great thing to know!

First, God is I am.  In Exodus 3:14, in introducing Himself to Moses, this is how the Lord identifies Himself.  I am Who I am.  Boom.  There it is.  This means a few things – first, He is it!  THE Lord.  Second, if He is, you are not!  Keep that thought in your head.

When you feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, excited or sad; literally any emotion, just remember, God is.  He has this.  You can let go.

Psalm 46:10 continues to say,  “ . . . I will be exalted among the nations,     I will be exalted in the earth.”

I believe, when we are doing too much, and are not being still, it is harder to remember that God is to be exalted among the nations and exalted in the earth.”

When you take a quiet day, such as a Sunday afternoon, when there’s nothing more to do than push your child on a swing, or hike a local trail, or do SOMEthing for yourself, isn’t it easier to remember the Lord and all that He is to you?

Once upon a time, long, long ago, like millions of others, I was a College student.  And, like millions of others, I was stressed and overly busy.  Some semesters were REALLY crazy!  So I took to wearing a ribbon pinned to my shirt.  It started out as a prayer for some friends on a retreat, but I found that the ribbon, as I pinned it onto a new shirt every morning (or at least most mornings – after all, I was a College student), it made me pause and think about the Lord.  And if someone commented on the ribbon, or it caught my attention during the day, it brought the Lord to mind.  I was at a point of busyness where the physical reminder was hugely helpful.

One woman asked me if, as a Christian, I shouldn’t be thinking of the Lord all the time anyway. Sure, of course.  But, I explained, it can sometimes be hard to find the Lord between the pages of a Calculus book.  That little ribbon made me Be Still and Know . . .

So, if you are one who is so busy that you tend to eat standing up because you just don’t have time to sit and enjoy a meal, or you’re counting your shopping at Walmart as your mile of exercise, or you find yourself wishing you had more time and wondering where the day went, then I have a challenge for you.

The Lord clearly wants you to be still, so give God some time, as a tithe, and see if He doesn’t return it to you.  Malachi 3 shows us the Lord telling us to test Him in our giving.  We usually think of this regarding finances, but it works with our talents and our time as well.  The Lord can do more with 90% of your time than you can do on your own with 100%.  Practice some time being still, and see if the Lord doesn’t return that time to you.  For instance, the report you expected to take hours to write may feel like it wrote itself.  Meetings may go more smoothly.  Life just may run more efficiently.  When you see this happen, take a moment of your newly found stillness and praise the Lord for it.  He will bless you.

 

Self-Involvement and Insensitivity

November 29, 2016

Wow, those are both ugly words, aren’t they? In a season that should be filled with gratitude and joy and thoughts of others, what I am seeing, seemingly every time I leave my home, are signs of self-involvement and insensitivity.

For example, drive through any store parking lot and you can find yourself creeping along behind people who are walking down the center of the aisle. Now, it’s not that big of a deal to spend a few minutes poking along at 3 mph because other shoppers can’t move to one side, but it does make you wonder, how self-involved must someone be to not notice a 3,000 pound vehicle behind them?

We have all squirmed as we see others chastise a server in a restaurant because food was slow in arriving or was incorrectly prepared, right? Doesn’t it seem more than a little insensitive to take out their frustrations on someone who is just trying to do their job, with a smile on their face? Everybody must realize that sometimes things go wrong, and killing the messenger (nod to Plutarch) does not solve the problem.

Yet we see this, in fact, we do this. As wonderful as we all are – yes, you can blush, but admit it . . . in this world you believe you are one of the nicer people, and you probably are. Here you are reading a blog just to increase your awareness and, you hope, better yourself in some way. So while we are all wonderful, we all can be self-involved and insensitive.

How often has someone had to honk for you to go because you were distracted with music or your phone (I didn’t say text) or a conversation, when your responsibility at the moment was to drive? It happens to all of us. And we have all misspoken and made an insulting remark without being aware of what we were doing. Just last week, when I stepped out of a store and immediately smelled cigarette smoke, I commented that smokers can’t seem to wait even a minute before lighting up. What I didn’t realize is that the gent who had just lit his cigarette was within hearing distance of my party. Oops.

It could be a great party game to share episodes of self-involvement and insensitivity and vote on which was the most egregious. The winner could win the knowledge that others agree that they had a rough day, just by living their life.

So, what to do about it? First, knowing it’s going to happen, and it will continue no matter what is said, decide now to deal with it in a mature manner. When someone speeds up, whether walking or in the car, as soon as they realize you are trying to pass them (WHY do people DO that?!), just allow it. Smile and nod and know that everything is fine. When a rude comment is made, laugh on the inside and determine to not let it bother you. When you walk into the break room and find literally every mug in the cupboard missing or dirty, smile and know that it could be worse (there could be no coffee left).

A more important question is, how do we stop from being the person who drives others crazy? We need to, simply, be more aware. That means, first, stop doing too much and definitely stop multi-tasking. If you focus on what you are doing, not texting as you go and not rubber necking thus causing people behind you to slow down or come to an uncomfortable stop; if you fully engage in the conversation so others do not have to repeat themselves and you can provide insightful responses; if you think ahead to what needs to be done so that you don’t need to be asked – this would be a good start.

Basically, what is the opposite of self-involved and insensitive? Obviously, other-involved and sensitive. Those are good things! Make the conversation about others. Oh my! I spent yet another hour in conversation with a new person recently, and after listening to him drone on, I had to stop him when he told me how great he was at Sales Training. Really? This guy had talked about himself for 60 minutes straight, so he was the LAST person I would ever recommend as a Sales Trainer (which is not his job but what he aspires to be). When I called him on it he was humble and explained why he hadn’t asked me about what I do for a living, or anything else about me for that matter. That’s all well and good, but it sounded like a rationalization at best and a poor excuse at worst. Better to include others from the beginning, especially if there are only two people in the conversation.

Have you ever wanted to say to someone, “You really don’t need me for this conversation”? The only thing worse than feeling that way about someone, is to have someone think that about you. Decide now to be other-focused . . . engaging . . . interested thus interesting. Determine to be sensitive to vocal and non-verbal cues. If someone is fidgeting they may be bored or just need a break. Seriously, sometimes after a day in heels, I just want to sit down for a conversation! I AM interested in speaking with you, I just want to get off my feet to do it. Being sensitive to cues such as a person switching from leg to leg or saying something like, “Let’s find a place to sit,” may make you a hero, or at the very least understanding.

While this is being written during the Holiday season, this information is good year-round. Stop the self-involvement. Look around. Notice if you are in someone’s way. Make a point of thinking about others. Smile at people. Stop making life all about you, and you will have a merrier season and year . . . and life.

Decluttering

November 22, 2016

Decluttering is quite the buzz word lately.  First, it’s not to be confused with downsizing, which means you are getting rid of stuff to move to a smaller space.  In vast contract, decluttering is getting rid of stuff but staying in your same large space, presumably so you can begin refilling the space, so that you can downsize in a few years.  Or maybe you’ll just declutter again and recommence the process.

We can all imagine multiple reasons for decluttering – more space, less stress, less confusion, the ability to find things . . .   Our grandmas were right when they taught us, a place for everything and everything in its place.  But that adage is hard to follow when you simply have too much stuff.  So, declutter.

I find a more interesting point is why people choose to not declutter.  Rather, why they say they will declutter, but after the fact, you realize they ousted very little.  Too often, rather than decluttering they are simply reorganizing.  So, why do people not get rid of stuff?  I’ve found a few simple reasons.

People tend to keep things for the wrong reasons.  First, because they spent a lot of money on it.  When you look at this closely, you can see that this is exactly backwards.  Think back to something on which you overspent.  In one person’s case it was a pair of shoes he bought for an out of town wedding because he left his dress shoes at home.  He never wore them again, but kept for them years.  Now, every time he looked in his closet, he saw a reminder of his mistake in not packing his shoes, and he was reminded that his error cost him financially.  Do you really need this?  How about you admit you dislike the shoes (he really did) and send them on to a better home?  In time you can forget your mistake, and no, you probably won’t make the same mistake again even without the shoes as a reminder.

So people are keeping stuff they don’t want and don’t use that serves to beat them up over an innocent but costly mistake.  Throw it out!

Even if you overspent on something and you love it, which by the way is another reason people hold onto things – they LOVE them – that’s no reason to keep it. First, it’s a piece of clothing or other material possession, so really is not worth this level of emotional investment.  Second, whether you love it because it cost you a lot or because it was the perfect item for that one moment in time, you will still have the memory.  There’s no reason to hold onto a physical item that does nothing for you but take up space.  Keep the memory, oust the item.

So we all know there are spaces in our lives that need to be decluttered.  We all accept that we prefer the memories to the actual items.  We all agree that we would appreciate having the space.  Next, what to declutter first?  Since this is a Business Blog, I would say, start with your office.

The how-to never changes – you remove everything from the space in question, be it a drawer, closet, or corner.  You have two boxes, one marked trash and one marked pass on, whether it be to friends or a thrift store is your choice.  Once everything is out and the space cleaned (yes, take the time to dust and vacuum!), return only what you NEED.  Everything else goes.

Important point:  You don’t need as much as you believe.  For instance, yes, you need a stapler.  No, you do not need three.  Choose the best and toss the rest.  The better way to do this is to choose ahead of time how much of an item you need.  For instance, you probably need no more than three good pens in your desk drawer.  Choose your favorite three pens and share the rest.  Your drawer will be neater. You will always be able to locate a pen.  You will make others happy when they receive your very worthy, useful, and functional items.  This works with everything but children – choose a set number of dishes for the kitchen, suits for the closet, but keep all the children you have; you can’t pass on the ones you like least.

This same system works with every room in your home as well – declutter your bedroom, drawer by drawer and shelf by shelf.  Declutter every closet.  Declutter your kitchen.  Declutter your garage. If you live in a house with four people you don’t need five rakes.  You probably only need one rake because, admit it, you’re the only one who actually does the yard work, despite your resolve that you’re going to get others involved this time!

Probably the most difficult part of this blog is your last challenge:  declutter people from your life.  If you have some people who no longer serve a purpose, then it is time to let them go.  Yes, they are nice or they wouldn’t be in your life in the first place.  No, you don’t owe them anything.  Yes, you can say good bye gently and help them as they move on.  No, you can’t keep them for another year.  The point is to declutter, even relationships.  Again, no, you can’t declutter your family, although you most certainly may limit exposure to some relations.  That’s a healthy decision for many.

You declutter people the same way you declutter items.  You take everyone out of your department, or firm if it’s small, and think about what jobs really need to be in there.  Then you put those people back in their places.  It’s also a good time to see if the people still fit.  Maybe the CPA needs to be replaced, like the sweat jacket you’ve worn since College.  Maybe the Marketing Department can accept HR functions (the jobs are so darn similar, except one looks outside the company while the other looks inside) or it’s time to outsource HR.

Once you can look at things objectively, you will be able to see what is needed and what is clutter.  Now is a great time of year to declutter so you’re ready to begin 2017 in a clutter-free zone, at work, home, and in your relationships.

Lindy is an In-house Consultant, Speaker, and Business Author.  She is The Business Coach to companies and departments with 50 – 100 employees, focusing on Communication, Leadership, and Corporate Culture. You will be more successful with Lindy working for your company: 770-912-6192

 

 

 

Seven Steps for Building Your Team

November 15, 2016

We all like to believe we are good managers – supportive, encouraging, understanding.  Below are seven simple steps to implement immediately to ensure you really are a good boss.

1. Watch the way you speak. Talk about your team, using the word.  As VP of Marketing, I called us the Marketing Team, not the Marketing Department.  Use the words like colleagues and make it clear your employees work with you, not for you.  Always show your respect when talking to and about your team.
2. Be genuinely interested in your team. Who is married?  Who has children?  Invest your time and attention in other people.  You’ll be a better person and they’ll like you more.  It’s hard to not like someone who likes you.
3. Find compliments and use them. Don’t be insincere, but it can be as simple or complex as you like.  Try to offer the compliments in front of others, especially if team members aren’t getting along.  Take the two who aren’t seeing eye to eye, and pull one up and ask him to agree with you that the other did a great job closing the last account.
4. Get everyone involved in the good. Don’t congratulate with just a note, get everyone to cheer when you are complimenting one of your team members.
5. Don’t leave anyone out. Ever.
6. Always play nicely—never an unkind word. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You don’t want to be gossiped about, therefore don’t gossip – ever.  Even one misspoken word can bite you for a long time.  Every action has consequences.
7. No questionable behavior. As the lead, you’re held to a different standard.  Make sure your house is clean inside and out.  No naughty words or inappropriate jokes, especially around clients.

Yes, there is more to say, but this is a short list to ensure you are in the right direction.  If you can check every one of these, call me for next steps.

Lindy is an In-house Consultant, Speaker, and Business and Christian Author, currently living in Atlanta, GA.  She is The Business Coach to companies and departments with 50 – 100 employees, focusing on Communication, Leadership, and Corporate Culture. You will be more successful with Lindy on your team. 770-912-6192

Come in From the Rain

November 17, 2016

So often we find ourselves in a negative situation, both at work and home – both in our professional and personal lives. We need to learn

1. how to recognize a bad relationship
2. how to extricate ourselves from it, then
3. how to create and develop positive experiences.

Be aware in a relationship, whether professional and personal, if it is overly one sided.  If you are the one who is always calling, or the one who is being called too often, it is possibly not a great relationship.

Next, be aware if the other person is overly negative.  Such behavior will leave you feeling tired and drained after a conversation.  It’s not healthy for you to be in such a relationship.  If you find yourself unwilling to return phone calls or not looking forward to impending visits, it is probably a bad relationship.

So, how do you extricate yourself from a bad situation?  Well, there are several options.  A gentle approach is to stop contacting them and keeping conversations short when you are called. Limit meetings and conversations.  If you had regular outings with this person before, make other plans so you can honestly explain that you’re already busy.

Another approach is to take the relationship head on, and explain that you’re not in a position to continue the relationship. You can leave it at that, or express how the relationship has become negative and that it’s not healthy for you to continue it at this time in your life.

The worst way to end a relationship would be deceitfully, where you just avoid them and don’t return calls or emails.  Immature and wrong.

While it’s important to extricate yourself from negative situations, it is just as important to cultivate positive relationships.  The first question is, who makes you feel good?  This is someone with whom you might want to consider deepening your relationship.  Who would you like to mentor you?  Who has characteristics you should emulate?  From whom can you learn good communication techniques? These are the foundation of every relationship.

But remember, the relationship has to be two-way if it’s going to last, so you need to have something to offer in the relationship.  If you’re just trying to learn from someone in the short term, don’t expect a long-term relationship to come from it.  If you spend time and energy on a relationship, you can grow it.

Developing a positive relationship requires time and commitment from both parties.  Invite people out for coffee, lunch, or dinner.  If you enjoy each others’ company, and leave the events feeling good about yourselves and life, then try to duplicate the experience.  You might slowly include spouses or other colleagues in outings, and move from general conversation to business matters to personal issues.

In general, in your life and in your relationships, you need to come in from the rain.  To do this, you want to limit time wasters, like television, computer games, and social media.  In the business world, you should limit things that don’t result in sales, new clients, or good relationships.  Both professionally and personally, you should immediately completely stop speaking, then thinking, negatively – remove words like can’t from your vocabulary.  Finally, as has been suggested, you should remove negative people from your life.

If you find yourself in the rain, the least you can, and should, do, is to get under an umbrella.  First, find and befriend positive people, and emulate these people.  Join good clubs that will bring you business, friends, success.  Read more!  And, invest in yourself in classes, clubs, and even clothes.  Treat yourself well and others will treat you equally well.