On Being a Door Mat

June 2016

I know the lines about not being a doormat, or being treated like a doormat, or being dumb as a doormat.  The point is that doormats are abused and taken for granted.  They are stepped on, have dirt wiped on them, and are then left behind, forgotten and ignored.

Hmmm, let’s look at this for a minute.  Aren’t there many things in our lives that are forgotten or ignored, but are important?  Hear me out, please.  Think about . . . your toothbrush.  I wouldn’t want anybody to decide that toothbrushes aren’t important so they are going to stop brushing their teeth.  But after using them two or three times a day, it’s okay that they are put away for use the next time.  That’s their function.  Blankets are another example.  We use them when we are cold, but fold them up and put them on a shelf in a dark closet when we don’t need them.  But blankets don’t get a bad reputation.

I think the door mat deserves a better reputation.  All door mats have something in common, in that they are made out of tough and long-lasting materials.  When was the last time you had to replace a doormat because it just wore out?  So when you choose a doormat you know you will have it a long time.  The strength of being able to stand up to years of being rubbed and stomped on is a good thing!

Door mats often express personality.  There are a plethora of options when choosing a door mat, from materials and colors to sayings and pictures.  This leads us to another thing door mats can do – they can offer a greeting.  Isn’t it nice to be greeted when you arrive at someone’s home?

Door mats allow a unique creativity.  Beyond the personality they may provide at the door, they can be used in other ways.  For instance, one of my sons uses a welcome mat as his shower mat. It’s not what I would do, but he wanted it and I bought it for him, and he loves it.  People comment on it when they visit.  His mat probably creates more conversations than others, because it’s in a unique place.  Aren’t Christians often put in unique places, and given opportunities to create conversations?

Finally, door mats perform a necessary function, of keeping outside dirt, and possibly germs, outside!  Nobody really wants this job, and in Biblical times it was the lowest of the servants who had the job of washing people’s feet.  Back then, when roads were dusty and sandals were worn, it was a really bad job.  If they had had paved roads and door mats then Jesus’ washing His disciples’ feet wouldn’t have made sense.

Please realize, though, that door mats must be maintained.  They need to be swept and washed.  You need to take care of your door mat like everything else in your home.  As Christians, we need to take care of ourselves – with proper nutrition and exercise, plenty of rest, and good social interaction in addition to work.

I think we, as Christians, need to learn from door mats, despite their reputation of timidity (admittedly, this is from Wikipedia).  We want their strength, their personality, their consistent warm greetings, creativity, and finally their function!  Door mats perform a needed service, and do it well.  With nary a complaint door mats are there day after day, greeting, cleaning, being used for a good purpose.  Matthew 5:5 says “Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth.”  Door mats, by their very reputation, are meek.  Maybe our goal as Christians should be to be more like a door mat – functional, useful, protective, expressive, and conversation starters.

I realize the reputation of door mats is not going to change . . . dumb as a door mat . . . treated like a door mat.  But we can see beyond these adages and know that we can learn from something as simple as a door mat, as it performs necessary and important functions, but does it in creative and fun ways.  Go out there and be the best door mat you can be! Be meek, be humble, allow yourself to be treated like a door mat, that you can, first, provide much needed functions in this world, and, second, be blessed and inherit the earth.

Very Specific Rules for Better Communication

May 24, 2016

Vernacular is an old fashioned word, rarely heard today, but I still use it.  The definition of vernacular is plain, everyday, ordinary language (Dictionary.com, definition number five).  It’s the common man’s English, which is ironic that the word itself is not in plain, everyday, ordinary language.

Why is it important to use appropriate vernacular?  Like everything else in business, it comes down to attracting, getting, and maintaining clients.  If you speak above the people with whom you work, you might be thought a snob or unlikable.  This can cost you a job and/or a client.  If you speak at too low a level, your intelligence may not be showing, thus you again lose a client.

You therefore want to match your grammar and vernacular to clients.  I even match my accent to my clients—not intentionally, but it happens, and I’ve heard it with others, too.  My southern accent simply increases when around southerners.  Now, since I have never had an English accent, I don’t effect that accent when around others with an English accent, just the southern.

When it comes to grammar, I’m not suggesting you lose your academic background, but you may be able to loosen up on some of the more rigid rules.  You still need to be very careful, because bad grammar may make you sound uneducated and less intelligent.  Then again, it may help you fit into the group.

So how do we achieve the appropriate vernacular?  Listen, study, learn, and practice—just like anything else.  If you wanted to learn how to play an instrument, you would listen and watch the options available, and choose your instrument.  You would then study, possibly with an instructor.  Lessons and practice will help you learn until you are proficient.  The same is true with learning the vernacular.

I’ve said it often, the Lord gave us all two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak.  So when I’m in a new environment, I listen first.  Look for physical clues of posture and eye contact, and listen for word usage, accents, and idioms.

When do I need to start this?              Immediately.  As soon as you arrive in the parking lot, watch others—their dress, posture, and style.  Don’t eavesdrop, but in your own conversations, pay attention to how casual or formal the speech is.  This is important for anybody in your firm who comes in contact with clients, not just you.

When speaking with someone, use the highest title you know, until they ask you to speak to them on a more personal level.  So use Mr., Mrs., and Dr. until invited to use a first name, especially with your elders.  I know some people dislike this idea, but it’s always better to err on the side of caution.  Some titles (Judge, Professor) never go away.  Use complete names unless invited to use a nickname.  Learn pronunciation ahead of time if possible, if not, confirm the pronunciation as soon as possible.

On your side, speak slowly and distinctly.  Use good eye contact and speak loudly enough for people to hear you without interrupting the group next to you.         Don’t speak of things everyone doesn’t understand, for example, an incident from a previous event, if some of the people in your group are first time attenders.

Don’t use jargon to sound smart, just be yourself.  Don’t fake an accent to fit in, make a joke, or be negative to some group—it will hurt you more than any laugh you receive now.  Never talk down to anyone.  Don’t tell or reference dirty jokes, even if a client does.  And never make any disparaging comments regarding race, gender, or anything.

Some basic grammar rules, spoken and written, need to be learned if you don’t yet know them.  Learn correct spellings of words (succeed versus secede; accept versus except), and correct usage of homonyms such as to, too, and two; your and you’re; and there, their, and they’re.  Learn how to use prepositions correctly.  Learn what an adverb is and use them when describing your verbs.  They’re easy!  Just add an ly to your adjective.  The girl doesn’t run quick, she runs quickLY.  It’s amazing how much more intelligent you sound with a few basic rules.  Let’s keep going.

Less measures weight, fewer measures numbers.  Therefore, there are FEWER people in one line than another, NOT less people.  The grocery signs should read:  10 items or fewer, not 10 items or less.

In writing, pay attention to syntax, grammar, and spelling.  Use short sentences.  Don’t, do not, use contractions in formal writing.  If handwritten, be sure it’s legible.  Use paragraph breaks correctly.  Use bullet points and subheadings for visible clarity.

In contracts, be careful of legal language that renders something hard to understand; make it as understandable as possible.  Avoid repetition.

In billing, write the bill clearly (not clear).  If possible, add your numbers in two different columns, so it’s double checked, and the client can see that.

In general, to improve your vernacular, use common words, use appropriate hand gestures and body language (no hips), familiarize yourself with the industry’s jargon, learn pronunciations of names, use appropriate titles (Doctor, Professor, Mrs., Pastor), reference well known current events to support your work, use appropriate pauses (verbal commas), and know your grammar.

What Value Do You Offer?

May 17, 2016

When I hear an ad that offers a free evaluation or consultation, I realize it’s a Promotional tactic to get new clients in the door.  It works.  What percentage of people return beyond the initial free visit depends on many things, but that’s not the point of this article.  I am happy to share them with you if you email or call.

But when I hear an offer for their Financial Tips for free, I have to wonder.  How valuable are their tips if they are giving them away?  You’ve heard the adage, you get what you pay for.  In reverse, you value little what costs you little.

People ask me for advice all the time.  All. The. Time.  And they want the advice for free.  I recently had a colleague engage me for almost an hour, and admitted that he took the information he had collected for our meeting from my website.  He’s a Senior citizen and I’m happy to help him as he’s trying to create some additional income after retirement. At the end, I was tickled when he asked my rate. I was less tickled when I was told that it was more than he wanted to spend.  But I did the right thing as a favor so I can be happy about that, but it doesn’t put bread on the table.

Consultants sell knowledge because it’s what they have spent entire careers collecting.  Why is a 50 year old Engineer worth more than a graduating Engineer?  Because of experience.  Why is a tenured teacher paid more than an untenured colleague?  Experience.  So let’s pay the Consultants for their experience. It is their commodity.

My question stands:  What value do you offer?  Beyond my promise of making people more successful (I really do), I offer both strategic (this is the easy part) and tactical plans.  The specific things you need to do tomorrow, next week, and next month to achieve your goals.  We discuss what you should do and what you should stop doing.  Your personal life improves when you work with me.  You are more confident because you’re making better decisions and living, both professionally and personally, more intentionally.

I teach in examples and stories, so you remember what you learned for years. Yes, I have had colleagues tell me, five and ten years later, that they still remember a lesson we discussed in a hallway.  That’s memorable.

What are you offering?  Is it platitudes and promises? Is it the same thing everyone else has, but maybe for a lower price?  Once you know what you are offering, you will be able to put a value on it.  Whether it’s worth what you’re asking will be evident when people choose to work with you and pay your rate.  But, it will lose value if you allow yourself to be used for free.  Know what you’re worth and charge it.  You will find quality clients and chase away the takers.  Maybe I should have done that better last week.

Etiquette for Business

May 10, 2016

Sadly, etiquette and manners, especially in the business world, have been fading over the past few generations.  I believe a lot of the decrease on manners is tied to electronic media, but that’s not even the point.  While manners decrease, the importance of them increases. Good etiquette is an opportunity for you to absolutely shine and stand out in a crowd.  People will remember you and want to work with you because of your attention to social graces.

Think about it.  Do you want to eat with someone with poor manners?  Do business with someone who doesn’t return calls?  Give a lead to someone who never gets your name right?

First, know what to do.  If you don’t realize it’s impolite to be late to a meeting, you need to learn this absolute truth.  Don’t just rely on what you believe to be true, take time to ask others, read a book, or research any questions you might have.

When meeting someone, use both eyes and ears to learn who the person is—their name, company, and title.  Introductions can be made by a third party, and the senior person, either by job title or age, should be introduced first.  Correct pronunciations, company, title, and a little bit of information about the person should be offered when known.  Be quick to speak up if you didn’t hear any the information imparted, because you are now responsible for knowing it. You will greatly impress others, too, when you convey the information correctly to the next person in line for introductions, even if it’s a month later.

When you’re speaking with someone, appropriate eye contact is important.  Don’t stare at anyone, like a Patrolman stopping you to give you a speeding ticket.  I asked a patrolman once if they give a class on staring in officer training, and he told me they don’t, but I still wonder.  And NEVER look past the person with whom you’re speaking.  Listen carefully to your conversation, and be an active listener, repeating what they say to ensure comprehension.  Think the entire time of what you can do for them, not what they might do for you.  Use people’s names while you speak to them, and pronounce the name correctly.

Give other people time to speak.  It’s inappropriate and rude to not do so and your mama would be giving you a stern look if she were in the room with you

Posture is important in etiquette.  I’m not saying you have to sit so ramrod straight in your chair that your back never touches the chair, but sit up.  Your posture shows your interest in others.  Acknowledge and allow for personal space, especially if you are a tall person.  Don’t crowd people and don’t walk them across the room backwards as you keep moving in.  Somebody slumping with poor posture not only goes home with a backache, but looks disinterested and, somehow, not as intelligent.

Your stance, like your posture, is important in etiquette.  If you’re standing on one foot, looking bored, it will be seen from across the room.  If your feet are together, like you’re at attention, you may be seen as weak. Try a casual stance in front of the mirror to see what kind of message you’re sending.

Another rule has to be, be on time!  Very few of us will ever lose a job due to incompetence.  We will, however, lose jobs based on attitudes, even though we may not even realize we’re showing an attitude problem.  But, chronic tardiness is wrong and is sufficient cause to stop working with someone.  Further, consistently being late to meetings suggests a lack of respect for others, and fails the first rule of etiquette—considering others before yourself.

As has been suggested above, learn and use names, and pronounce and spell them correctly.

Phone calls and emails should be returned promptly, even if you don’t have an answer.  Return the call to say that it has been received, you’re aware of the caller’s question or need, and you’re looking for the information.  You are allowed to call when you know the other party is out, so you can just leave a message and not get caught in a long conversation.

Be crystal clear when setting meetings—repeat days, dates, times, and locations.  Put the information in writing and feel free to confirm a week before and again a day before if you believe there’s any possibility for miscommunication.

Networking is becoming more and more important in every industry and at every level.  Manners are hugely important in a networking situation, because when you’re in front of dozens or even hundreds of people, you’re very much on stage. While you may be speaking to one or two people, others may be listening and coming to conclusions about you and your company.

It is important, therefore, when someone approaches your group, move over and invite them in.  This is no different than in a social gathering, but amazingly, I don’t see it done.  It’s very hard for a single person to approach a group of two or three, so if you’re quick to invite them to join you, you will be a hero to the shy people in the business world.

Don’t ask for a card if you’re not going to use it, and likewise, don’t offer a card unless it’s requested.  There is nothing more discouraging than handing out a card to find it on the floor after your new contact has walked away.

As has been said above, I’m continually amazed at the lack of manners in social as well as business settings.  In truth, I’ve found table manners are better at business functions than social events, but I’m unsure why.  Some basic rules:

* Never eat until everyone is served.  This means you sit with your food untouched on your plate.  The caveat to this is if not everyone at the table is being served the same meal, then those who are served soup or appetizers may eat once all the food for that course is served.  So once all the salads that will be served are on the table, pick up the correct fork and begin.  You may, of course, request an appetizer be served with the entrée to avoid any discomfort.

*Use utensils correctly.  Know how to set a table when hosting an event, and know which fork and spoon to use when.  If unsure, watch those around you.

*Take small portions.  Please note to take a reasonable portion size in a buffet line.  You do not want to go through the buffet line and clean out half the food, to leave those at the end of the line nibbling on carrots, because that’s all that’s left.  It makes your host/ess look bad, and you look worse.  Seconds are perfectly acceptable after everyone has been through the line once.

*Small bites, chew with mouth closed, don’t talk with food in mouth.

* Know how to butter a roll.  If the Queen of England has to follow the rule, so do you.

* Thank the servers.  Even as people are putting plates down or picking up plates from in front of you, and you’re in a discussion, take a breath for a quick thank you or nod of your head to acknowledge the work of the servers.  It acknowledges you as a kind and mannerly person.

Every generation has brought its own look to the Business world.  While for quite a few generations every new look was slightly more casual, after the Casual Friday era, there has been a slight return to more business-like attire.  Still, simple rules apply.  Learn ahead of time, simply by making a phone call, what the dress code is.  You need to adhere to the rules you hear, even if you don’t like them, or you think others won’t comply.  Doing the right thing is the correct answer in business etiquette.  In general, conservative is better in the business world.

Entrepreneurs Need to be Salesmen

May 3, 2016

The idea of having your own successful company, not reporting to a boss other than your clients, and being able to keep or invest your profits is extremely tantalizing.  Of course, it takes hard work, discipline, hard work, a high level of risk tolerance, some luck, and more hard work to be successful.

So, who should be an entrepreneur?  There are tests you can take to see if you have the characteristics to fit the general profile.  I can share some of these here.  You need to have a large amount of self-discipline.  If you want to be your own boss so that you don’t have to get to work on time, that’s the wrong reason to be an entrepreneur.  In fact, we’ve overwhelmingly found that the small business owner is the first one at work in the morning, and the last one to leave at the end of the day.  In fact, they are never not at work, as their work follows them home, often into their dreams.  You therefore need to be willing to always be at work.

More than anything else, every entrepreneur is a sales rep.  You need to sell your services and products, and in so doing, sell yourself.  You can say you’re a singer, make shoes, or import china, but until you have clients lined up to purchase, you are a salesman.

Further, you need to crave autonomy.  It’s not enough to not want to be micro-managed.  You need to require working alone with no help or support from above or below.

It helps greatly if you are motivated by money.  I know what Herzberg’s theories say, but money does motivate some people.  There is, eventually, money to be had, but you need to be able to live without it in the beginning.

You also need to be able to live without sleep.  There are times that you have to keep going, like that energizer bunny, when you’re way past your breaking point.  The work has to get done.  I’ve tried to help small business people to be told that they just can’t take on another client, when I know they can.  Or at least, I could if I were in their situation.  Yes, it would mean longer nights and no lunches, but that’s something I would gladly sacrifice for my company. I would sacrifice that even when I was working for others.  But to be told that they just don’t have the time, when they’re sleeping eight hour nights and going out on weekends (facebook provides great information), lets me know the person doesn’t have a true entrepreneurial spirit.

I have a great story on getting some carpet laid one day.  I called two gents.  The first one sounded like I had woken him, and his first comment was, “Aw, it’s raining.”  Now, I wanted the carpet laid inside the house, so I didn’t see how the rain affected that.  The second gent told me he could be there from noon to one o’clock and that he would work quickly and be gone, because when he had a chance to have a new client, he was going to make it work.  Of course he’s the one I hired.  The man arrived exactly when he said, he threw the carpet over his shoulder, and he literally ran up the stairs.  He worked liked crazy for an hour, accepted his pay, and was off to his next job.  I couldn’t recommend him highly enough, and I’m sure he’s a very successful entrepreneur today.

Now, there are challenges to entrepreneurship that need to be addressed. First, it is risky.  If your company folds, for whatever reason, you’re responsible.  Second, it’s hard work to run your own company.  You’re the sales rep, the ops manager, the accountant, and the janitor.  Further, there are no paid vacation or sick days, and you pay for your own benefits.  It is extremely stressful at the best of times and it’s really, really hard work to create a business from nothing.

In today’s world, because of the internet and how small the world is getting, you can create your own business literally anywhere in the world.  You can sit on a beach and sell ski equipment in Canada.  So while you should consider the economy, inflation rates, and other economic indicators, you can start your business wherever you want. You might want to consider personal preferences and your family.

One other thing that every entrepreneur needs to know is that knowledge is power.  The more you know, and the more you know you know, the better off you are.  How you gain and use knowledge is up to you, but people whose companies have failed often share comments like, “If only I had known . . . . “ You don’t want to be one of those people.  Learn everything you can before you even begin, and then keep learning.

So, allowing for legalities, in some cases opening your own business is as simple as hanging your shingle.  You will have to keep your books and let your state know, especially if you plan to incorporate, which is a wise decision to protect your personal assets.

But, if it’s important to you to be your own boss and have great independence, them entrepreneurship is for you. But no matter what you do, you need to understand, you are a salesman first.

 

Surround Yourself

May 2016

You’ve probably heard the line, Never Be the Smartest Person in the Room.  This of course means to surround yourself with brilliant people, so that you can learn from their wisdom and emulate their decisions.  My thought: don’t limit this concept to intelligence.

Never be the most loving, kindest, or most generous person in the room.  Of course be all of these, but surround yourself with people who have even stronger characteristics than you do.

Why?

Being around people with great traits encourages you to love more, be kinder, and be more generous.  These people won’t tell you to be so, but they will encourage you, silently, through their actions.  Think of times when you played your best game, whether it was tennis, golf, or whatever you enjoy most.  Did you notice that you play better when playing against a better player?  Further, you improve when you play against a better player.  Let’s apply the same concept to characteristics we would like to develop.

Paul tells us in Philippians 2:2 to “make my joy complete by being like-minded, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.”

As you work beside people you respect and like, because they show compassion, consideration, and hopefulness, for instance; and as you listen to their words; as you eventually hear their words coming from own mouth, and your heart; as you spend time with them and notice their serenity, you too will develop your own serene state.  It will become second nature to make yourself more available, and be more thoughtful, empathetic, and sympathetic when you are around similar people.  You will not be copying them, but you will find yourself internalizing their attitudes, graciousness, and thankfulness.

Yes, surround yourself with brilliant people.  In addition, surround yourself with people, at work, at home, and in your social circle, who have positive characteristics that you want to emulate.  Make an effort to discern why someone is so likable.  Let others’ gratitude rub off on you.

Of course, the One to truly emulate is our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Chances are high that when you see goodness in others, you are really seeing Christ in them.  So emulating good behavior, even good behavior from characters in books and people in the Bible, can make you more Christ-like.

You may never find yourself the most intelligent, the most loving, the most generous, or the most sympathetic person in the room.  But as you strive to be, and as you surround yourself with others with these characteristics, you will find yourself growing, and that much better.