Act Like a Child

January 2016

Matthew 18:2-5 says, “He called a little child to Him, and placed the child among them. And He said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whomever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whomever welcomes one such child in My name welcomes Me.’”

Have you ever watched a child in the arms of someone who loves him, and whom he trusts?  Children have an amazing lack of concern when they are being carried around.  It’s fascinating to watch and one of my favorite hobbies, often in church.

I’ve seen parents, holding a child, bend over to pick up something.  The child will fist the dad’s t-shirt, holding on.  No worry on his face.  No sound. Just holding on.  Never worried that he might fall or be injured.  Total and complete trust.

I’ve seen parents pick up a child, rearrange them in another space, often closer to themselves or maybe away from potential harm, such as when a child squiggles too close to a pathway where someone may bump them. The child accepts his new position with nary a complaint.  They often continue playing with whatever is in their hands as if they barely noticed they were moved.

Can we do the same?

When we are in danger of falling, we do more than hold on.  We argue, complain, and fuss.  Even if we never hit the ground, the idea of being dropped – as though the Lord would DROP US! – but even the threat of hitting the ground – even though we are often the reason, in that we were responsible for our fall, the idea of our world being juxtaposed for even an instant leaves us frightened, angry, and stressed.

When we hear of potential layoffs we immediately start stressing, justifying why we shouldn’t be the one to go, praying, even bargaining.  I’ve known an entire workforce to take a pay cut rather than chance any layoffs.  Would you do that, or would you have faith that the Lord will take care of you, either by protecting your job, or by allowing you to be laid off because He has a better plan for you.  It’s so hard to see that Better Plan when we are having a tantrum, even if it’s a silent tantrum and we appear to be fine.  We may even be saying the right things.  But God knows. If you’re not trusting Him in your heart, He knows.

We need to have the faith of that child, who knows his father is not going to let any harm come to him.  When we feel ourselves falling, we need to know someone bigger and stronger than us is in control and, while we feel like we are falling, the Lord is in complete control!

Will we allow God to move us, a little or a lot?  For example, children eat what parents put in their mouths.  They may make faces (which I think are so precious) if they don’t like the taste.  But those faces don’t necessarily stop the parent from continued feeding, especially when it’s medicine.  The child doesn’t like the taste, and may fuss and squirm, but the parent perseveres because it’s in the best interest of the child.  As adults, we realize the best thing to do is swallow that nasty tasting stuff, because it will have a positive effect on our health.  I’m specifically thinking of the bitter taste of steroids, which is the only way I’ve been able to eradicate poison ivy from my body.  I swallow that stuff, trying to not let it sit in my mouth for more than an instant, and follow it immediately with something sweet and tasty.  Well, when the Lord allows something bitter to enter our lives, do we embrace it and deal with it, knowing it is for our edification? Or do we spit it out and yell, or at least make faces, at the person who is, in actuality, trying to help us?

Do we only want God to put sweet things in our mouths?  Personally, I would.  I love to teach and speak to groups and would be overwhelmingly joyful and grateful if that were my daily plight.  I would travel the world if it meant I could share gospel and business truth, which I often tie together.  I enjoy that part of my job so much, and it’s the sweetness of my career.  But there are other parts that may be unenjoyable and even bitter – the getting up in the middle of the night to make a meeting, the hours of practicing before every event, the stress of finding an address with which I’m unfamiliar, the bitterness of receiving a note that somebody took umbrage at what I said or how I said it.  None of these are the sweetness of my work, but I deal with all of them.

God allows the salty and bitter tastes because they are good for us.  Desserts take sweet but they don’t help us grow, and in fact have little, if any, nutritional value.  Since I like nuts in my fudge I figure that gives me some reason for choosing that dessert.  The point is, everything in life is not going to be sweet.  A child accepts that and trust that what is going into their mouths is there for a reason.  We don’t feed them food that needs to be chewed before they have teeth.  We don’t give them fermented drinks as a child.  Parents are careful to feed their babies, their children, healthy foods.  Why would we expect any less from the Lord?  Matthew 7:11 tells us, “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father, Who is in heaven, give good things to those who ask Him!”  The exclamation point is from the original Greek.

When we are picked up, possibly physically, like a move from one state to another, or even one home to another, we need to have the faith of a child, and keep doing what we were doing.  Keep reading that Bible.  Keep trusting.  Keep knowing the Lord is in control and hasn’t lost us just because we have a new address.  When the move may be more emotional, like the loss of a loved one through death or a divorce, we need to trust the Lord as our Father, just as our children trust us, knowing that all things work together for good, for those who love the Lord, and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).  The death of a loved one, a job loss, divorce, flunking a class, accidents and illnesses, are not surprises to the Lord!  He knows about every one, before they happened, yet allowed them to occur. We need to trust that He allowed them for a reason, like the innocent child who keeps going without rancor.

Finally, children find great contentment in just being.  And their existence brings others joy.  I am a person who needs to be busy, who is always working, always doing something.  It’s like I have to earn my keep every minute of the day.  Not children.  They are content just being – watching, playing, existing.  They find entertainment in watching a butterfly.  I have a hard time doing that anymore. I think the time could be better spent.  I’m probably wrong.  The Lord takes joy in our existing and watching us, just like we enjoy watching children, whether they are playing or singing or just being.  Your existence brings others joy.  Just watch how some peoples’ faces light up when you arrive.

When you go through hard times, and you will, stop and think how a child would respond.  Not the frustrated child who is throwing a tantrum.  The trusting child who allows himself to be molded and taught and grown in the image of those he loves and trusts.  Enjoy being just for being.  Find contentment in everyday things.  Lean into your heavenly Father and know that He has you and will not let you fall, lest you dash your foot upon a stone (Psalm 91:12).  Despite all those times we were told to grow up, I say, go ahead, act like a child.

Overcoming Obstacles

At the end of the year so many people write New Year’s Resolutions.  I have to wonder why people wait to make positive changes in their lives.  Isn’t this something we should do every day of the year? If you want to exercise more, or lose weight, or change jobs, why wait for a date on the calendar?

So I wonder what is keeping people from starting, and maintaining, making positive changes.  You can brainstorm with me here –

* I think just not knowing how to start is probably the biggest reason.  If I knew what exercise would work for me in the long term it would be easier to start today.  If I better understood food combinations and what I can eat versus just food deprivation by removing all carbs and sweets from my diet I would be more motivated.

* Second, I think habit is a reason people don’t start.  Getting up to exercise, shopping differently either at new stores or just a different list, is changing habits that are natural and comfortable.

* I believe boredom may be a reason people don’t stick with their plans and resolutions.  Exercise can be playing ball or dancing, not just walking/jogging.  They may cost more in terms of time and money, but if they will last then you are worth the investment.

So once you discern why you aren’t doing things you know you should, whatever day of the year it is, it may be easier to start.  But then you need to stick with it.  What will help you?

* Accountability!  Yes, find a accountability partner and make it someone who is really going to hold you to it.  They don’t have to share your goals. In fact they may be more of a mentor and someone to whom you report.  It helps!

* Rewards.  I work too much.  I know I do.  I need to give myself rewards as I reach achievements.  It can be small, like a night off or an indulgence in your hobby.  It can be bigger, like a vacation. It may be an on-going reward – mine is regular housecleaning. Since I do work so much I just don’t find time to clean the way I’d like, so this reward is successful for two reasons – the house stays cleaner and I am not the one doing it.

* Inner peace.  When you find yourself full of angst, verbally attacking others with a short temper or just high expectations . . . when you realize you are just unhappy and lacking contentment, it’s definitely time to implement changes.  You are smart.  You are going to set goals that mean something.  Remind yourself that sticking with them will make you feel better about yourself.  You may not love exercising, but you love having exercised.  You may not enjoy dieting, but you love losing weight.  You may not want to look for a job, but you’ll love having a new position.  Think forward to the end result to keep yourself motivated.  Just taking action will make you feel good about yourself.

Whatever obstacle you want to overcome, and everybody has obstacles (!), you can do it.  It’s a very personal thing, but the process remains the same.  Determine what you want.  Discern what is keeping you from moving forward.  Learn, possibly by trial and error, what will keep you focused and motivated.  What works for others may not work for you.  Do it your way, but do it.

Seven points for Sharing Negative Feedback

Feedback is necessary.  A piece of every event that should never be missed is the post-mortem.  After your seminar, party, conference, or any event, it’s important to sit down with other planners and ask, What was done well?  What could have we done better? What did we miss? What can we do without?  This way your next event will be that much better.

With that said, the point today is not only what to say, but how to say it.  Once you have information, especially negative information, that you think you need to share, consider some points.

• Is it really necessary to share the feedback? If, for instance, the band you hired wasn’t loved by all, and you have no reason to hire a band ever again, do you really need to tell them that some of your attendees didn’t like their play list?  Probably not.  One or two people don’t constitute a majority and should not influence future decisions.
• How are you going to share the information? Does it need to be done in person? Should you call?  What if you get their voicemail, are you prepared to leave the information in a message? If you plan on doing it in writing, either email or snail mail, know that you are leaving a paper trail and be very careful with every word.
• Whatever way you plan on delivering feedback, please do not set up a time in advance. Just go in and deliver your message. There is nothing worse than being told, “I need to speak with you  . . . let’s talk next week.”  You have guaranteed the person will have a weekend of wondering and doubts.  Don’t do that to anyone.
• When is the best time to share the necessary feedback? As has been alluded, immediately.  But, what time of day and what time of week?  You may want to consider sharing the information at the end of the day and the end of the week, so the recipient can have some private time to deal with it, rather than being at work and continuing other projects for hours, while trying to process the feedback.
• The question of how to deliver negative feedback is hugely important. First, justify it with numbers.  Saying that some people thought some of the playlist could have been better isn’t really helpful information (and probably shouldn’t be shared – please refer to the first point).  Saying that, in another example, the breakfast menu was good, but a majority of attendees found the powdered eggs tasteless, is better. Of course you should have a majority when you say this.
• This includes the next point:   If you have to share negative feedback, buffer it with some good information.  While the music was enjoyable, we had a dozen comments, of the 50 people who attended (not a majority but it shares that it wasn’t one or two), that they would have enjoyed more recent songs. But your playlist of classic music was well performed.  This gets your point across in a gentle manner, leaving the person feeling good, and maybe more receptive to your negative feedback.  Just saying some people didn’t like it simply isn’t good communication.
• Be specific about what you would like to see, based on the information you are sharing. Something like, using a new example, I look forward to seeing an upturn of at least ten percent in the next quarter. Now people know what is expected.

Communication can be difficult.  These are some ideas specifically aimed at sharing negative feedback.  If you have established good communication with colleagues, employees, clients, and family and friends in your personal life, then even negative news can be better received.  So concentrate and make it a point of having good communication in all your dealings, every day.

Christmas Gift Distribution

Realm was blessed to give away hundreds of gifts on Monday, December 7th.  Families with one or more unemployed person were invited to take as many gifts as they needed for their family members.  Our thought is that, when a person is in transition, they should still participate in the joy of giving.  Realm makes this possible by providing gifts for people to give away, all for free.

Able, Willing, and Ready

Do you remember the phrase, Ready, Willing, and Able?  I recently heard it and it took me back several years.  It seems like it’s not a commonly used phrase anymore. It’s still a good phrase, but it occurs to me that it’s in the wrong order.

So often we’re ready—let’s go!  We’re willing—why not?  And able just means we have two arms and two legs that work.  So, what are we waiting for?

Shouldn’t it be able, willing, and then ready?  I’m thinking about entrepreneurs, or those starting a new venture, whether professional or personal.  If you enjoy being behind the scenes and being hands-on, and have a high beta-factor, then you might be one who has been willing and ready, therefore jumped, before you were really able.  It may have worked out well for you, or you may have crashed and burned.  Let’s take time to consider being able, willing, and then ready.

Before we begin, please consider some time in your life when you jumped before you should have.  It may have been personal, as in a marriage; or having a baby before your maturity was where it belonged.  It may have been professional, taking a job or promotion you really weren’t ready for.

I remember one incident from several years ago. I was asked and encouraged to take over teaching the 4 year old Sunday School class at Church.  My eldest at the time was 4, so this seemed to make sense to everyone, including me.  I’ve since learned, however, that it may make more sense to keep mothers of pre-schoolers away from pre-school classes when volunteering.  Moms with young children all day every day may need a respite during Church.

In my case, while I was happy teaching that class, I really wasn’t the one to do it.  In fact, I was ready, willing, and able.  That doesn’t mean I was the best choice.  When a friend learned I had taken over the class, she was sad, because that was a volunteer job she wanted, almost coveted. She had compiled a huge curriculum for this age group, because having teenagers at the time, she missed this age children.  She was able, willing, and ready, so  I happily gave the class over to her, and she may still be teaching it, a decade or more later.  She loved it, and the children loved her.

So I propose the first word in our adage be ABLE.  Of what are you, today, capable?  Are you a singer, a writer, a worker?  What natural talents and abilities do you bring to the table, because that’s where you’re most able.

What education and experience do you bring?  Here’s a question—how many people, a decade after College, are in the industry for which they were educated?  If you still are, and are happy, that’s great.  Use that education to your advantage.  But if you’re still doing what you were trained to do, and don’t like it, concentrate on your abilities and experiences, not your education.

Don’t limit your experience to work, either.  While you have been working since you graduated, you’ve also done other things.  Backpacking with your family or friends can show great organizational and leadership skills.  Volunteering can teach you a plethora of skills you may have never needed in your last position, but you still possess.  Concentrate on what you enjoy, because that’s where you’ll be most able.

So what’s next?  I think willing should be our next step.  Just because someone is capable of doing something doesn’t mean they are willing to do it, especially for the wages some jobs bring.  Here’s a thought:  if there’s a job you’re willing to perform for free, it may be where you’re most willing to be paid to work.  Sadly, the job may not be available, but you still need to look.

For instance, not being capable of carrying a note, I do recognize that others sing and actually enjoy it.  Not everyone shrinks inside when asked to stand as a group and sing (yuck).  So, if you’re a singer, and would happily sing for free, you’re probably willing to sing at work.  So, where can you go, what can you do, where your musical abilities can be put to work?  Don’t limit yourself, but really think about what you enjoy doing, because then you’ll be willing, and you may never actually work another day in your life, to borrow a thought from Benjamin Franklin.

However, willingness can be dependent on many things.  Just because you’re good at something, doesn’t mean you’re the only one able to step up.  Be aware that you’ll still need a Marketing plan to put yourself in your new industry, because other people, with as much or more experience, are probably already there.  Don’t allow that to deter you, but do be aware of it.

Another challenge is that some people are able, and willing, but aren’t asked, and are uncomfortable stepping up when they see others who are always in the lead.  So when you are willing, take that step forward, put your hand in the air, cough loudly and get someone’s attention, and say that you’re willing to help.

That leads us to ready.  Are you ready?  You may think so, but the world may not be ready for you.  If, like me, you were ready to volunteer to lead the charge, but others got there first, it may be because you really weren’t ready yet.

I love my job.  I love writing, speaking, and teaching.  I enjoy being in front of a group.  I truly believed I was ready to begin my company a decade before I really launched it. I even tried. I collected what I needed, created brochures, and sent them out.  No response.  While I felt I was ready, I wasn’t.

Then one day, I’m was speaking to a Business Woman and sharing my background, and the next thing I knew, I was being hired.  Just like that.  I was suddenly being paid for things I’d known for years, but now somebody was willing, even asking, to pay me for my thoughts and time.  I knew I was able, and I was definitely willing, and when the opportunity presented itself to me, I was ready.  I still had some reality checks, but at least I was one my way.

One reality check should be whether your family, time, and financial responsibilities allow you to do something for which you’re able and willing.  To return to our singing example, if you’re able and willing, but know you won’t bring in sufficient income to by fiscally responsible, you better wait.  Or if what you want to do is going to take so much time that you won’t be able to fulfill other obligations, you’re not as ready as you’d like to think.  Good things are worth waiting for, so even if you’re able and willing, it’s better to wait to be ready.

We shouldn’t even want to jump into any type of job, career, entrepreneurship, relationship, or even volunteer opportunity until we know we’re able, willing, and ready, in that order.   Whether you’re in transition or just ready for a change, stop and consider of what you’re capable.  Capable doesn’t just mean able, it means work at which you’re beyond competent and you enjoy.  Willing means you enjoy the job so much that you’d be willing to perform the tasks for free.  If you’ve volunteered anywhere for a while, you’ll understand what I mean.  I’ve known many people who quit full time jobs to accept paid positions where they once volunteered.  And ready means you’re set up in such a way to be able to make the change without risk to your family or finances.

The same applies to our personal lives as well.   Turn Ready, Willing, and Able into Able, Willing, and Ready when choosing each direction of your life.