September 5, 2018

By Lindy Earl

We all connect with people on a daily basis.  Sometimes it’s non-verbal, such as a nod as you pass.  Sometimes it’s a gesture – let’s say a wave.  There is a great amount of verbal communication, thus connecting, every day.

Some people connect with others quickly and easily.  They have some innate ability to break the ice and get past small talk, so they really connect well.  Can this be learned?  Absolutely!

We connect with so many people daily, the question becomes, with whom do we invest time and energy to create a really great connection versus just a nodding acquaintance?  Sometimes it’s obvious.

We should invest with the people with whom we work. You see them regularly and having more than a superficial friendship offers benefits in this world.

Once upon a time we connected well with neighbors.  I’m not sure that’s true anymore, or at least not where I live.  In my last home we had neighborhood parties and we all knew our neighbors, their children, and even their pets. Maybe because I’m in a larger city or because everybody seems to need a two-income household now, or maybe because our children are grown and gone, I don’t connect with my neighbors the way I once did.  If you do, that’s fabulous!  Enjoy it.

What about the people we just met, maybe at a network or even socially?  How do we make a connection there, for business or even personal reasons?  The same tactics apply for all connections.

First, learn and use names.  Learn the correct pronunciation and use a name immediately.  Second, acknowledge the need for small talk – yes, you can comment on the weather – but move past it as soon as possible.  An obvious question is what the other person does for a living, but take it further.  If the answer is Attorney, ask them to be more specific as there are a plethora of areas of law.  You can ask them to tell you more about it or why they chose that field of work.  Basically, get them talking about themselves.  If you want to continue the friendship/relationship, move from work/career into personal – are they married, do they have children, in what area of town do they live?  From there you could move to hobbies and activities.  There is a natural path to connecting with people.  If you get things out of order, it may get awkward.

A second part of connecting that is always true is that Manners Matter!  Start with a firm handshake.  That’s a great beginning.  If you’re at a luncheon and don’t know which fork to use, you’re probably okay.  If, however, you don’t know how to hold your soup spoon, it’s a simple thing to learn. If you spend the entire meeting talking about yourself, even though they asked, that’s simply not mannerly.

The last part of connecting to be discussed here is the next step.  In the business world, you can exchange business cards and follow up within a few days.  This moves your meeting one another from a simple connection to the next level.  In both the business and social world, you can set up your next meeting before separating – make plans to meet for coffee or, in my case, ice cream – it’s so much more fun than coffee and far quieter.

Connecting with people doesn’t just happen.  It takes some effort but is often worth it.  Sometimes it won’t work, but you’ll have met someone along the way and that’s a good thing. If you already know and do all the steps here, then you’re doing well. If you want to begin implementing them, you’ll be connecting with more people at a deeper level soon, and I think you’ll enjoy it.

Connecting with people is far more enjoyable than just meeting them.  I think it’s better to engage with a few people at an event than meet many people at a superficial level.  So, find someone you think is interesting and get involved in a good conversation.  You’re on your way!

Lindy is a Business Consultant and Speaker to individuals of all levels and for companies, churches, and organizations of all sizes.  In addition, she is an author and columnist.  Contact her at LMEarl@EarlMarketing.com to have her speak to your corporation or organization.